I realized that maybe I'm not suited for a committed relationship. I have lots of friends, I'm impulsive, I have tons of things to do, I want to go to many places, I have to get back into sports, I want to do things myt own way, etc. I'm turning 25 and I haven't really accomplished anything yet. Wala pa nga akong license at passport eh.
I have time for myself now. I can have my quality time with myself. Like going to the mall, eating out, having coffee.. all-by-myself. I can't do that before without someone bombarding me with text messages like "Ano gawa mo?", "Anong oras ka uwi?", "Di ka pa ba tapos?" like I'm some kid coming home to my mom.
I do miss him. Or maybe I miss having someone take care of me. But then, why let someone else take care of you if you can take care of yourself? And by his actions this past few weeks, it made me realized that I did the right thing for myself. Selfish no? Ilang months ren naman ako naging selfless no.
I do want someone in the future though. Someone who can stand on his own too. Someone I can connect to. Someone that would be the man of the house. But not right now. I'm not looking naman for someone eh.
Kaya ngayon eto.. besides work, nag frisbee training ako yesterday, tas may badminton tournament pa sa office, and sana matuloy yung basketball with the girls (si chenai sana magayos. ehhehehe).. and may mga planned out of trips pa ko, tapos medyo nawawala na ang social constraint ko. Ehehehehe.
BTW, go to Shelley's blog for a rundown on our baler adventure last May 1 to 4. Sobrang fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"let the sun shine.. let the rivers run away.. coz it's beautiful day now to play now, as i close my eyes and pray.. Lord have mercy on me.. coz i'm feelin kinda lonely, could you be, would you be.. my one and only"
I miss watching NBA or just being updated with it. Saya tuloy ng may internet para sa live scores. Ever since I worked, wala na talaga akong constant update sa NBA, kahit PBA.. UAAP lang kasi asaran sa office.
I really wish Boston wins. Garnett deserves it. Para naman magpahinga na sya. Ang tanda na niya eh. Hehehhe.
Sana ren matalo ng New Orleans ang Spurs. Sawa na ko sa kanila eh. Kelangan ng fresh blood. Malufet si CP3 eh. Di ko naman napanood lahat ng games nila, pero yung minsanan na panonood ko eh nakakatuwa sya. (At nakipagpustahan ako eh. Hehe)
I don't like Kobe and si Lebron naman, di ko ren masyado gusto. I mean their good, pero kung si MJ nga di ko gusto eh, sila pa!? (Nakipagpustahan ren ata ako na di mananalo Cavs sa finals.. tama ba Daron?
Di pumasok yung team ng gusto kong player so di ko na sya babanggitin. Next year sana.
I am on training right now and it's currently our break so I have time to blog. I think.
So bear with me.
I've been officially single for about 3-4 days now, and it's quite surprising that I'm ok. Ok maybe I'm really not ok. But then, after a few heart breaks, scars, emotional breakdown and anything that makes me wish I'm dead, I realize that there are more people who has bigger problems than the matters of the heart. I have better things to do than breaking down, punching the wall, acting drunk or whatever.
I hate him (as a boyfriend). There, I said it. I care for him since he's one of those people that made me happy. But if you knew things that you didn't know before, wouldn't you ask yourself if it's still worth it? Is it still worth not regretting the trouble you went through just for him? That still puzzles me.
I've always thought that it was my fault. That it's the risk I took entering a relationship with a 20 year old. But then, how would you feel if he makes you feel guilty with everything you do? when he does things you never knew he could? Things that he usually feel bad about when you do it?
I'm just glad that we are in the same group of friends. It would help me not hate him more and probably in time be really good friends with him.
I will be better.
And I hope he will accept the fact that it's over and will be better too.
A few weeks back, I think it was black saturday, an old friend messaged me on friendster. Initial reaction? Gulat, tuwa at curious kung bakit bigla akong ni-pm at ni-add. Madyo nagkaron kasi kami ng misunderstanding before and di na kami nagusap ever since. More than 3 years kaming hindi naguusap. Pero time after time, naaalala ko sya and I realize how much I miss her.
She asked if I remember her, of course I remember her! I remember how fond we were of the moon, how she treats me at starbucks (estudyante pa ko nun at mocha frappe lang ang alam kong inumin), how we watch UAAP finals sa TV, how we went to glorietta to meet another friend, how we disagree on so many things but still enjoy hanging out with each other. I learned a lot from her. But I guess some story has to end. I guess we both need to grown on our own.
Anyways, The very same day, we exchanged new numbers and decided to meet each other at starbucks near our place. I didn't know what to expect. I was thinking maybe we are too much apart that we don't have anything to talk about anymore. Maybe it would be a little awkward.I mean, I haven't heard from her in years and haven't got any news from her. What would be my first words? What would I tell her? You know.. those things.
But it was surprisingly comfortable. Parang dati pa ren. Parang one week lang kami hindi nagkita. Sobrang kuwentuhan to the max. And new topics! Like Billups, T-Mac, Kobe, Conspiracy, Lozada, Nickleback, Blogging, etc. Nakakatuwa talaga sya. Six hours kaming nag chikahan. And after a long time, naka 3 bote ako ng beer, ng hindi nagiging tipsy. I guess ganun talaga pag di mo napapansin ang naiinom mo sa sobrang saya ng kuwentuhan. I'm glad to see her happy self again and much more contented. She's still the same but somehow changed.. labo ba? hehehehe.. She still stands for what she believes in. She's one of those few kasi na masasabi mong totoo sa sarili.
It's a start of an old friendship. Labo ba? Pero if you were in my place, I guess maiintindihan niyo. I'm looking forward to see her more and talk about stuffs again and to learn more from her. Sobrang happy :) Lalo na maisip mo na hindi lang pala patikim ang friendship niyo nun and matutuloy ren pala sya on its own time. Wala lang, nakakatuwa lang isipin :)
Tinitignan ko ang mga larawan ko noon. Ang laki ng nilaki ko. Literal! Nakakalungkot isipin na nung panahon n ayun ay pakiramdam ko ang panget ko.. ang taba ko.. samantalang ngayon tunay na uhm.. huggable ako ay feeling ko ang ganda ko.. Sayang lang at sana nuon pa man, na suot ko na ang mga gusto kong suotin at nagawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin.
Noon:
Ngayon, nahihirapan na ko umakyat ng hagdan, mag high heels, at d na kasya ang mga pantalong ko dati. Madalas na ko ma winnie the pooh. Iba na kasi siguro ang activities ko ngayon. Mas gusto ko pa matulog. Haaaay... In a span of a year or two, ang laki ng binigat ko :(..
O diba? Pero syempre may matitinong pictures pa naman ako ngayon.. baka isipin niyo ganyan itsura ko in real life.. d naman masyado.. ehehehhee.. mas maganda ako ng in person.. tarush! ahahahahha
At least ngayon, mas feeling ko na maganda ako.. Ahahahah! Haba ng huuur ko ngayon eh. Howell, sana the sportsfest helps in me getting back into shape.
Iba siguro talaga nagagawa ng confidence. Dahil kahit lumaki ako, mas marami nag sasabi na umaayos ren naman itsura ko (wala naman nagsasabi na panget ako noon eh, mas marami lang nagsasabi na maganda ako ngayon). Yun na ren siguro ang effect sa ken ng pagiging optimistic.. sabi nga nila, you are what you think. Therefore I'm adobo!! este.. I'm beautiful (sorry.. gutom lang d pa nag didinner).
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But then, may moments na feeling ko ang panget ko talaga.. na naiinsecure ako sa ibang tao.. and i know this post won't help me. Everytime na makikita ko to, malulungkot ako lalo na pag i'm depressed.. na maaalala ko na may time sa life ko na pwede ko gawin ang mga gusto ko, pero di ko ginawa. Na iisipin ko ano ba nangyari sa ken bakit ako biglang namaga. Na wag ako mag maganda dahil di ako maganda.
I know, baka mababaw lang to sa ibang tao.. pero kung babae ka, you'd understand how I feel. Kahit ang mga payat at magaganda, ay may mga ganitong moments ren.
So mag iiwan ako ng note sa sarili ko (at sa ibang tao) next time na mabasa ko to:
Note to self: Mabuting tao ka. Alam mo sa sarili mo na mabuti ang kalooban mo at yun ang tunay na kagandahan. Ang mahalaga ay kung pano ka nabuhay, paano ka sa ibang tao.. paano ka sa sarili mo. Kung pano ka babangon pagkatapos ng bawat pagsubok. Di ka man blessed sa genes, blessed ka naman sa ibang bagay at dapat magpasalamat ka para dun. And ano man itsura mo, may nagmamahal sayo. Ang laki ng inimprove mo as a person, so don't stop now. Stay optimistic. See the glass as half-full.
aaaaand dahil sobrang serious na, at if nde mag work yung note sa taas, eto.. last note:.. ika nga ng isang beri gud friend ko.. balance of nature lang... d pwedeng maganda at matalino in one.. kaya matalino ka!!!.. ehhehehehe
*ni resize ko yung pics.. d ko sure kung tama.. wala kasi akong photoshop eh.. huhuhuhu
I am not a big fan of valentines. Baka defense mechanism lang. Pero this year was different. It was the first time I spent it with a special someone :). He picked me up at the office and we spent the evening together. Knowing him, I know it's really an effort. And I'm really glad he did it because it made me love him more ♥
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I also went home to the province last month. It was a BLAST! I mean, it was more than what I expected. You see, my brothers and I rarely get together. I think this is the first time that we all went together to the province, as in family lang namin. Walang aunts, walang cousins. Except for a close friend (Chesca was with us). Nakapag bond kami through DS, PSP, eating, smoking, drinking (with our Lolo who drinks red horse), etc. I'm happy na close kami ng mga kapatid ko. Bihira lang kasi ako makakita ng ganun eh. Eheheheh.
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Also went to Galera last weekend with my girlfriends! Ang saya kasi sunog kami lahat, ehehehhe. And nakapag relax kami. Sarap ren uminom ng beer ng hapon kahit mainit basta asa beach, mas masarap ren ngayon ang mindoro sling nila. Ehehehe. ANG HIRAP MAG UNDERWATER POSE!! eheheheh.. Sana talaga I have my own PC na para I could post my pictures.. haaaay...
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Sabi ko I'll try to update as much as possible, ang nangyayari puro recap lang.. huhuhu...
Best viewed in internet explorer 7.0 1024 x 768.. it's my first time to create a header with my pictures. Teehee. I'll still be editing this template.
About me
loves the moon... loves to sing... 212223 24 years old..
scorpio.. loves to talk.. Graduating BUM!
... Junior Consultant.. THOMASIAN... loves her
friends.. selfish.. bitchy.. tactless.. loves to watch basketball and
plays volleyball, basketball, frisbee, and badminton. Drools over tracy mcgrady,
usher raymonds, pharell williams, brandon boyd, vic sotto and the likes.
self confessed masochist.. Loves the number
one.. emo.. loves drama.. listens to a lot of genre.. from
dream theater to patti austin.. easily falls in love.. heart
is easily broken.. doesn't believe in courtship.. tries
to believe in courtship. plays the guitar.. doesn't know how
to drive.. loves the color black..
not really emo but has her own share of emo-ness... ultimate
cam whore! missing the drama in my life..
kaladkarin.. simple pleasures in life: caffeine, nicotene, alcohol and very cold milo.
