I have a reputation of being attracted to committed guys, decent committed guys. Wait, before you judge me, it’s just an innocent crush. I have no intention of having any romantic relationship with them. I’m not that evil. Sometimes I don’t even know the guy is committed anyway. I guess they exude this confidence that I don’t see with single guys. Happy, secure and fullfilled. Because I think guys are more into relationship than girls. May it be because of emotional needs or something to feed his ego or whatever. I have yet to meet a guy that is truly happy being single.
I guess liking committed guys are better than liking the “bad boys”. I had my phase of liking bad boys. The ones that you wouldn’t introduce to your parents, that or your parents would never like. No committments, pseuodo-relationships, thrill, the idea that you can change the person, disappointments, heart break, moving on to the next bad boy. It was a cycle that took me a long time to break, and I don’t want to go back. It was stressful, emotionally and financially draining. Also I didn’t like how dramatic I was back then. I cringe at the lines I use to say.
With committed guys, I have no expectations. I have no what if’s. I can shrug off the attraction in a snap of a finger. I know you may think feelings are not that easy to shrug off, but this is just attraction… admiration. Knowing that they’re committed is enough for me to limit whatever interactions I have with them.
Why can’t I just like a decent, single guy? Because I’m scared that the possiblity of something nice wasn’t meant for me. Committed guys, yes, by default you are already rejected. Bad boys, it is expected that it would not work out. Single decent guys? There’s wishing and hoping, and when there’s hope, there’s possibility, and when there’s possibility there could be rejection. “I just see you as a friend”, “You’re like my sister”, etc. Lines that I would never like to hear. Lines that could break my heart and ego in pieces. I want whatever left in my low self-esteem intact.
Yes, I’m a coward. Either that or I haven’t met someone worth it. You decide.