"Dapat kasi may nagbabawal na sayo eh" my ex told me after I told him that I've been going home late most of the time
"Eh kasi naman pag pinagbabawalan ka, hindi ka nakikinig" Ryan told me when I told him what my ex told me
Well, yeah, hindi ako nakikinig "kuno". I try to see kung talgang sincere sila. I mean, baka nag papacute lang kasi e. Wala naman.. d naman umuubra.. d naman pinapanindigan.
Ano na kaya feeling ng umuwi ng maaga dahil may inaantay ka na tawag or may nag aantay ng tawag mo?
Ano na kaya feeling ng pinagbabawalan ka?
Ano kaya feeling ng may inaaway ka tapos magkakabati ren kayo?
Ano kaya feeling ng may nakaka-stand ng pagka moody at immature ko?
Ano kaya feeling ng may taong andiyan kahit anong mangyari? Yung tipong ikaw ang priority? Yung hindi lang basta-basta friend?
Ano kaya feeling ng may isang tao na araw-araw mo ng kausap tapos hindi kayo nagsasawa?
Ano kaya feeling ng may isang tao, consistent ang pagiging sweet at concerned niya sayo?
Ano kaya feeling ng may taong inaalagaan ka at inaalala?
Grabe.. antagal na pala.
I guess I always had this "strong" personality, na sometimes gusto ko maging submissive. Anlabo no?
Rocked the night away with my college blockmates. Sariling concert! It was fun and memorable. I thought I'd lose my voice. Eheheheh.. Karaoke-ing is fun! Especially if everyone is game.
I miss those guys. Sobra! I always feel at home when I'm with them. Even if we talk about the same things over and over again. I love them. After singing our hearts out, we stayed at starbucks and made tambay (that sounds so conio.. eheheh). I miss them talaga. It has been a while since our last hang-out. And I did not expect so many people to come! Even teddy-bear Carl was there! Hahahah.. and also new couples.. yikeee!!
But I miss my girls.. :( Leah, Tin and Keren were not there. I miss them so much and I wish all of us could hang-out again. But I guess, that would be a year from now because of certain matters.
Pictures soon to come!
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Secrets.. secrets.. I hate it when I know a secret that I don't like. Especially when I'm learning more about it. Especially if it's about a friend making a fool out of another friend. I'm not involve, hindi nga ko dapat makielam eh. So quiet na lang ako... tama naman yun diba? Guide ko na lang yung isa para nde na sya mag mukhang tanga. diba mas ok pag ganun?
Just when I told myself that I won't smoke and drink this week (after last week).. now I have a hang over and vomited everything I ate (well, I think that was everything) last night.
I just had to smoke. When you hear something funny like that, you just had to smoke instead of laughing out loud..
"Oh my gawd! I want to go to Bulacan ... Dun kaya ako nag originate..."
Our joke for the day? Anything that includes Bulacan and the word "originate".
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Went to kid's place. Potah! inuman na naman! hahahaha.. Good thing there were new people there. And the girls were cool and click naman agad. Syet! 2nd time in my life na I puked because of too much drinking. Fuck El hombre! hahahhaa.. I'll stick to Red Horse na lang. Promise next time nde ako kakain ng ganun karami. Or I won't doze off to sleep after drinking. Tequila + Beer = Bad for your health...
Especially when the first text you received yesterday was around 4 p.m.. just when you feel alone.. and the text message came from someone whom you thought could make you smile.. with the message "TABA MO TABA MO TABA MO"... hindi nakakatuwa diba?
I've been trying to lose weight pero wala talaga.. the more I work, the more I eat.. The more I eat, the more I gain weight.
I've been thinking of vomiting everything I eat. But I'm not that stupid, I know it's not a good idea.
Work-out? how? I'm out of the office 5 p.m at the earliest.. arrive home 6:30 at the earliest.. and I'm dead tired by that time.
Self-discipline.. where the hell can I buy that?
Don't go on telling me that I'm not fat because I am.
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I cringe when I receive text messages with "aq", "san na u?", "d2 na me", "xe nmn".. dude! text language suppose to be easy to read.. and 2 letters is still 2 letters.. you do text language to lessen the characters, not to massacre it. Although most of my friends do this. Haaaay.. La tayo magagawa, nakasanayan na eh. Pero for a guy to text me like that, it's a major turn-off.
Gah! Maybe this is one of those days I feel like it's me against the whole world.
... I can't stand the thought of him feeling bad, because I always want him to be somewhat happy and because OMG, I'm stupid, I really am. I like building up and stroking his ego, making him feel like he's the greatest and most gorgeous man I've had ... and never making him feel or think otherwise. I don't even know why, I just like it. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm an emotional masochist, maybe it's me being stupid beyond comprehension. - helga
Got that from an LJ Friend, and I could totally relate! Kahit dun sa mga tinanggal ko na lines. Ewan ko ba..
Pero I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be happy because kupopo said that he misses the happy abi (yuck! that rhymes!)... Basta I have realizations and I'll post them here if ever I get to share it with him. Hahahah..
I want to be happy too you know. Although I'm ok.. it's nice to be happy once in a while. Not the "I'm-happy-because-i'm-wid-my-friends" type but the "I'm-happy-because-I'm-contented"... Kaya nga I'll try not to expect anything na. I've done that before.. so I could do that again.. If it happens, it happens.. I want to live life to its fullest-est na talaga.. But I know it would take time..
Grabe! The week that was! I mean, since friday (Aug 12) last week, I've been out all night (except for Tuesday and Wednesday)!
Just got home 9 AM this morning because I went down south. Grad party kasi ni Resty (Tin's boyfriend) and I was invited. Eh di punta naman. Alam niyo naman ako? kaladkarin.. ehhehehe
Masaya, although medyo pagod na ko kasi kulang ako sa tulog (5 am ako umuwi ng sunday ng umaga kasi eh). It was nice to see familiar and new faces.. although may isa na kina-shock ko. Si ex-prospect niya andun. The girl that made me decide not to talk to him ever again (pero obviously, kinakausap ko pa ren sya). Grabe! hindi kinaya ng powers ko! Had to smoke to have a reason to stay outside.. in the dark.. and try not to cry. Texted Chesca and JC to keep myself busy... Syempre wala ako sa territoryo ko eh. And I know some of his friends sensed the tension.. Alam siguro nila yung situation... Chaka kasi tinatanong ako kung ok lang ako eh.. ehhehehe.. Laro na lang ako ng NFS and lagi ako nababangga... hahahah.. wala sa concentration. Nabigla talaga ako eh. Syemay! Umalis ren naman so medyo ok na ko.. pero nahihiya ako.. ehhehehe..
So ayun, medyo at ease na ko with his other friends.. unlike the first time.. Ang kukulit kasi eh... wala ng bagong pang-asar sa ken.. Yung isang pang-asar nila sa ken first year college pa yun.. debut pa lang ni tin.. tas hanggang ngayon ayun pa ren.. ehhehehe... Redhorse + Extra Joss = Alcoholic Cali.. sarap!
And grabe ha.. yung alcohol tolerance level is improving.. hahahahah..
And I got to see Tin again!!! Grabe!! antaba ko na!! hahahahha.. mas bagay sa kanya ung katawan niya ngayon.. It was good for her to gain weight.
As for him. Ewan ko. May sense na naman sya.. gumagawa ako ng sarili kong problema.. mami-miss ko ren daw sya.. As in napa-isip talaga ako sa mga sinabi niya.. Kaya ko nga ba?
And diba sabi ko credits na ko? (ang habang credits no? ehehhe) Don't worry.. after last night.. curtains down na.. masyado maraming realizations.. hahahhaha
Bahala na lang kung may season 2 pa. *lol*.. pero sana iba na characters para hindi dragging.
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SMS
JC was texting me yesterday. Wag na raw ako pumunta LP. Punta na lang raw akong megamall kasi andun siya. Ayos diba? Pero natuwa ako kasi naaalala niya lang ako.
And now, inis raw sya sa ken kasi makulit ako.. ehehhehe.. he still friggin cares! ahahhaha.. katuwa!
Chesca texted me asking me to go home na.. HE replied to her.. ang kulit nila mag sagutan.. panalo mga sagot ni chesca! hahahaha..
"Gnto nkn. Uwi mo na yan.kndi papatayn kita" - chesca "... wag mo sya tatawaging taba..." - chesca
i love you chesca!!
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This week? Less gimiks.. well, lesser than the last week..
Summary lang.. kasi I would want to remember last week..eheheh
Fri: Footspa, dinner, coffee.. tas punta kela "kid" to drink.. Mon: HS Friends. The alcohol caused me to file a half day sick leave the next day. Thu: With a friend who was depressed.. few bottles lang naman.. actually isa lang ata.. Fri: Blogfriends!!! yayness!! Miss JP and Steph talaga! Sat: Chesca's bday bash! :) memorable ito!! hahahaha Sun: Down South..
The last time we talked, it was a seven liner conversation.
"Hello" "Ui.. Musta?" "Ok lang" "La lang nangangamusta lang" "ah ok" "Sige tulog ka na..." "Cge" *click*
After days of not talking (I did not count), he called me up again. Since I had a nice day and I was in a nice mood, I talked to him. Kuwento galore... almost everything that happened since the last time we talked.. Pero medyo rude pa ren. Alam naman niya na inis ako sa kanya... so I guess it was ok. Sinasagot ko naman sya pag tinatanong niya eh.
How our conversation ended? I acted like a spoiled brat. Ehehehhe.. I was asking him a favor. Gagawin lang raw niya yun pag hindi na ko inis sa kanya. Eh heller?! Inis nga ako eh. Pag sinabi ko naman na hindi na ko inis.. malamang nde sya maniwala.
"Gagawin ko lang yun pag nde ka na inis sa ken" "Hindi na nga" "Labas sa ilong"
labo mehn!! so labo!!
Yun na nga lang yung way para mawala inis ko sa kanya eh.. ambabaw lang naman nung favor ko. Ehehehe.. ano yun? Secret.. pero promise.. ang simple lang. I was whining all the time and I know I sounded stupid. But who cares?! He should do that favor if he wants me to talk to him on the day I asked the favor to be done... hahahaha.. labo.. malamang kausapin ko pa ren sya nun.. kasi kelangan masaya ako sa araw na yun.. kelangan walang samaan ng loob.. kasi malayo ako sa territoryo ko.
Kelangan masaya lagi.. para 'stig.
"simple pero rock!"
Pero inis pa ren ako sa kanya.. langya, ang stubborn ko talaga.
Eeek! Woke up looking all drunk. Took a bath because I have work.. but afterwards, I still look drunk. So, I decided to rest muna. I don't want to go to work looking all wasted and shit.
Damn you Anthony!! damn you!!
Ehehhehe.. Why wasted on a weekday? Well, it was not really our plan.. Some of my HS friends (Anthony, Issa and Tin) and I decided to have dinner. But no! Kuwentuhan galore.. heart to heart talk (tungkol sa kanila.. gawd, I have no time to tell them mine).. hanggang 2 AM... finished 5 bottles of SMStrong Ice, before I decided to go home and leave them there.
Ang saya! sabi ko sa kanila next time sana walang pasok kinabukasan.. ehehhehehe..
I miss you guys!
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Keren called me up this morning. Asking how I was and what happened. She read my previous posts kasi eh. Grabe! I missed her sooo much! Ayun, little details.. tapos kuwentuhan na.. How she is and Bryan.. what's new with our friends.. etc.. etc.. Share ko lang.. Si Kheng (as we call her) is one of the greatest people I know. Although we don't spend that much time together, we became great friends. I know I could talk to her about everything (kasi medyo pareho ang takbo ng utak namin). Kaya nga when she called me up this morning, tuwang-tuwa ako. As in!
It's nice to know that even if your friends are oceans away, they'd still be there for you. I love her to death and I can't wait for her to come back. Next year is too long.
Labsya kheng! Gimik tayo talaga apg balik mo.. promise! THanks for the call.. :)
Naiinis ako sa kanya ~ Part II more on basketball on 2nd edit..
Para kay girl: Ako ang wala sa lugar. Hindi kami, kaya hindi ka unfair. Sinabi niya lang na he hugged you becaused I asked him. Like I said, I feel this way because of my own decisions. My issues.. not his.. not yours..
I'm sorry... I'm stepping on the grounds I do not own.
Yoko ng magulo... ayoko na mang-gulo..
Kaya out of the picture.. kung baga, credits na sa akin ito.. buti na lang nakilala kita, kung hindi baka mas malaki ang karma na matatanggap ko in the future.
Ayoko ng may kahati, ayoko ng may kaagaw sa attensyon niya.. alam ko mali yun kasi hindi nga naman kami.. kaya nga ako na ang lalayo.. Tao lang ako.
ella : ikaw sino namn ang bgo mo? abi: wala no.. abi: si *him* tinatapos ko p ren abi: ehehehehe ella: d na matatapos yan
Tangina, eto na naman ako.. Sana I'll really finish it this time.
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Potah!! Si Vince Carter dumating ng Pilipinas! OMG! and I never knew about it. Well, I knew about it now. Kainis! hahahaha.. sayang..
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Manalo matalo.. I'm proud to be a Thomasian. Viva Tomasino! UP played well, even without Abby Santos. Hands down.
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UAAP fantasy updates. I should not have traded Kramer for Abby Santos.. sayang yung trade! Kasi may german measles pala si Santos..
Still can't get over the fact that Vince Carter came to the Philippines. I could have applied for an EMERGENCY LEAVE.
Anyway, back to basketball.. (hindi ako adik daron).. UAAP slowed down for me back in fourth year. I thought I already lost my interest. But heck! It's fun really.. Especially now that I have to be updated. And now,I even watch it not because of the fantasy games but for the thrill of the game. College basketball is the best.. way better than the pro's.
Arwind Santos would make it big in the pro-league. Mahal ko talaga sya.
My heart still belongs to the Tigers :). Kahit ganyan ang standings nila.
I miss having a "JC" person around. One person you could talk too about basketball with the same passion that you have.. or just maybe a passion for it.
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PBA Drafts.. Red Bull made a nice move adding Bugia and Fonacier to their line-up. A reunion between 3 Eagles (Enrico Villanueva).
they got Ren Ren Ritualo and Mac Cardona. yeah. they should try to trade for Willy Wilson, BJ Manalo and Mike Cortez. they should also sign Adonis Sta. Maria.
then we will have an Ateneo Redbull - La Salle Fed Ex rivalry.
I was talking to him the other night. I hate the thought na I'm just another girl to him. Sabi niya hindi raw.. special raw ako.. pero wag ka! marami kmeng special sa kanya. I cringe at the thought that he's sweet to other girls too. Pero diba? Issue ko na sa sarili ko yun.. walang kinalaman sya at lalo na ung girl(s?). Kahit mismo kabarkada niya sinasabi na wag ko na raw sya pag aksayahan ng panahon. Pero ano? nakikinig ba ako? Eh matagal na naman nila alam na matigas ang ulo ko eh.
Ganito yun ah.. Sinabi niya sa akin na nanood sila ng sine.. weird, kasi ngayon lang sya nagkuwento na nagkikita sila... usually, dun ko sa girl nalalaman. So nabigla ako.. eh medyo maligalig sya nun so hinayaan ko lang. Tapos nagtanong..
True, nanggit ako kasi they get to spend time together. Syempre, miss ko na ren naman sya kahit papano diba? Pero la ako magagawa.. ganun talaga. Sino ba ako diba?
The next day, napagusapan na naman yung movie... tapos tinanong ko kung ano ginagawa nila habang nanonood. Ang tsismosa ko no? Pero gusto ko malaman eh.. refer to last post, I really did feel strange.. at may kutob nga ako na ganun.. asus! sya pa? So ayun, sinabi niya... tapos andun na naman yung "Bakit? Selos ka no?" na question na sunod-sunod.. Makulit! Last line ko ata was something like this "Naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko".
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi bakit ba nagpapadala ako sa mga drama niya. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kas hindi ko sya matiis. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi ang tigas ng ulo ko at pumapayag ako na ganito ang set-up namin.
Tapos next na usap namin, aba ang lolo mo nag feeling. He made sense actually. Honga naman, bakit ba sa kanya lang ako intresado? But mind you, nainis ako sa kanya nung sabihin niya na "Sa akin lang ba umiikot ang mundo mo?". I would love to answer him "Hindi no! Marami pa akong ibang bagay na inaasikaso. I have a job, and I'm enjoying my work and life after work. Unlike you, who gives up at the first sign of failure." Pero syemre, hindi ko sinabi.. hindi pa ako ganun ka-rude. And I would like to encourage him to get a job and a life. But no, masyadong maraming issues.. Ang raming dahilan kung bakit hindi sya makahanap ng trabaho. At eto pa.. habang nasa moment ako mag emote.. tinulugan ako. Saya diba?
So I decided to consider his suggestion... pansinin ko naman daw yung iba. And this kid (19 yrs old) I just met a week ago, texted me last night and invited me to his place for a drink. Impromptu ha, as in 11:30 pm nag text. Eh since na sa labas na naman kami ni Lee Anne, sinama ko na ren sya para naman may kasama akong girl. Pinagbigyan ko na si kid kasi 3rd time niya na ako niyaya... Grabe! Ako pinakamatanda dun. His cute brother was even younger than me (2 years younger). I had fun. I was glad I gave it a try. Tas hindi pa pikon yung mga kasama mo... astig! Black Label bebeh!! Isang bote!! And nice place too! cozy... tas lakas pa ng ulan.. tamang people, tamang kuwentuhan, tamang sounds, tamang relax.
Pero while I was there... nag text si him. Tumawag raw sa bahay wala ako. Kesyo pupunta sya sana sa bahay ngayon, pero since wala ako never mind na lang raw. Kesyo umuwi raw sya ng maaga para magising ng maaga dahil pupunta raw sana sya sa amin. Sino raw ba kasama ko? Asan ba raw ako? Bakit daw late ako uuwi? Sana raw umalis na lang sya. Wag ko raw muna sya i-text kasi galit raw sya sa akin.
Leche! Ilang sabado na ba yung hindi ako nag plano ng lakad sa possibility na pupunta raw sya? At sya itong nagsabi na makipag-mingle na ko sa iba ha.
I called him a while ago and ang cold ng dating niya. OK FINE! hayaan mo sya. I'm tired of being 2nd to something anyway. And kung galit sya, hindi ako mag-so-sorry kasi wala akong kasalanan. He won't listen to me anyway.
Argh! And I hate the way he makes it look like na ako ang mali, ako ang may kasalanan... the way he makes me feel na I'm not worth it... that hindi ako decent dahil sa past ko.. na hindi niya na aapreciate na I try to be his definition of a "good girl"... hoping that maybe, he'd see me the way I see him.. and maybe, I would have a big impact in his life..
Pero malamang, after all this.. pag nawala yung init ng ulo ko.. at tumawag sya (kung tatawag pa sya).. ok na naman ako.
Updates to UAAP FANTASY is now open! and its a close race for 1st spot as santy 'its all mine' and sherbee 'know your role jabroni' clobber each other for the price of Php1200. Hot on their heels is the wolf pack of sherwin 'so good', ralph 'comin for ya', marjay 'come back king', poopie 'the inside deals', and van 'the man'.
The battle for 8th position is still hot with abi 'queen-in-waiting' maintains her divine right, while in 9th shelwin 'the forecast' is forecasting a new king.
In 10th is mico 'the machiavellian prince' plotting the dethronement of everybody, rounding up the tournament at 11th spot is carlo 'dont dream its over', at 12th is jimpy 'no trading for me' and finally, toto 'no way but up' its gonna be another exciting week for UAAP FANTASY SEASON.
yeah!! nice dba? written by our very own commish. Eheheheh. I had the biggest downfall from 2nd to 8th.. ampness! I guess it was because of the wrong sched of UAAP games I got. Hmpht.
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It's been raining hard and what's weird is I like it... when I'm home. Cozy feeling. I've been coming home late the whole week! well, except for today. Ang weird, pag friday at saturday asa bahay ako. *lol*
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I've been pigging-out this week. Waaaaah!! And I hate myself for it. BUT I LOVE TO EAT! hahahahha.. next week.. promise!! diet ako.. kasi la na ren akong pera.. hahahahah.. can't wait for the next payday.
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Kelangan ko na ng kaladkarin na friend. Yung aalagaan ako pag nasa labas kami. Eheheheh.. Yung masaya kasama at hindi kayo mauubusan ng pag-uusapan. Yung tipong kahit saan mo dalhin game, at syempre marami ren alam na puntahan.
Ang boring ng buhay ko. Pero ok lang. Hindi naman ako malungkot eh, di lang talaga ako masaya.
Eh so.. dapat late ako uwi ngayon. Pero naudlot. Nainis ako kasi na set ko na na late ako uuwi.. hehehe.. pero naiintindihan ko naman. Pinagdaanan ko na yun. That's why I'm so glad that I'm 21 already.
Still love my work. Naisip ko nerd nga siguro ako. Nerd pero hindi geek. Eheheheh..
I finally got new strings for my guitar! yayness!!! Something to keep me busy while I'm at home.
Hafta see how rusty my fingers are. Haven't played the guitar in a while.
I wish I'm good. If I can't find a guy who plays the guitar and sings well, I might as well learn myself.. para naman may talent ang anak ko.. ehehehheeh..
Best viewed in internet explorer 7.0 1024 x 768.. it's my first time to create a header with my pictures. Teehee. I'll still be editing this template.
About me
loves the moon... loves to sing... 212223 24 years old..
scorpio.. loves to talk.. Graduating BUM!
... Junior Consultant.. THOMASIAN... loves her
friends.. selfish.. bitchy.. tactless.. loves to watch basketball and
plays volleyball, basketball, frisbee, and badminton. Drools over tracy mcgrady,
usher raymonds, pharell williams, brandon boyd, vic sotto and the likes.
self confessed masochist.. Loves the number
one.. emo.. loves drama.. listens to a lot of genre.. from
dream theater to patti austin.. easily falls in love.. heart
is easily broken.. doesn't believe in courtship.. tries
to believe in courtship. plays the guitar.. doesn't know how
to drive.. loves the color black..
not really emo but has her own share of emo-ness... ultimate
cam whore! missing the drama in my life..
kaladkarin.. simple pleasures in life: caffeine, nicotene, alcohol and very cold milo.
