b0yishChick

25 on the 25th

2008-10-03T14:26:00.005+08:00

It's my birthday month!!! Usually, I'm not this excited, pero ewan ko ba.. 25 na eh. OMG, I am old! Ehehhehe..

Based on THIS, seems like nasusunod ko naman ang gusto ko sa buhay. Well, di masyado, pero ok na ren. So in fernezz, natuwa naman ako.

So I'll probably be blogging about good stuffs for this month.

One memory that happened recently that makes me smile

*Dad looks at my ID.. then smiles*
Me: Ano? Natuwa ka naman?

Kasi nakita niya na sya yung asa "Person to notify in case of emergency".

It's nice to see him smile once in a while na kahit binubully ko sya eh masaya naman sya. Eheheheh

Nice to know that you have family diba? Kahit na I don't live with them anymore, alam ko na love nila ako. My mom, my dad, my brothers, my grand parents, cousins... eheheheheheh...

Anyway, I'm blabbing here na. So ayon, I guess, this year would be different than last year. A lot of my friends are busy, I'm single, I have no cash, I'm expecting gifts :P.

Gusto ko masaya ang 25th birthday ko.

So ano wishlist ko?

1. Nikon IR Camera Remote (Yung tulad nung kay hanibeb Eric)
2. Headphones (yung portable, pero astig.. Sennheiser sana.. same nun kay mikkomix)
3. Sportsbag na pwedeng pang travel
4. iPhone 3G (Hello US friends! 200$ yan diyan!)
5. MacBook Touch (Kung totoong lalabas sya sa October)
6. Round trip plane tickets to Palawan, Bora, Davao
7. New lens for my D40 and filters!!!!!!!
8. Shopping GC!!!!!!!
9. CASH!!!! LOTS OF IT!
10.

Para sa mga cs2k5 and club six friends ko:
Surprise niyo ko sa birthday ko ha.. :D Kahit hindi party. Uhm, pero kung hindi niyo magawa, tapos magtampo ako.. pagbigyan niyo na ko.. miss ko na kayo eh. Ehehehehe..

Yay! Add na lang ako pag may naisip ako.

I'll try to update more often about life in general.

For those who are older than me, tell me... how was your first 25 years in the world? What will I learn? What should I expect? :D

Facing your fears

2008-10-01T15:28:00.006+08:00

Things have been really bothering me lately.

You see, I've been dreaming of the ex recently, damnit I've even heard his voice once (blame it on bella and edward). Eh heller, I'm trying not to think about things na nga eh. So ayun, napunta sa subconcious. It really bothered me that I've been out of focus and not myself the past week. It was so bad that I lost something sentimental and valuable to a very good friend. Something that I could not replace.

We talked about it and she said something that really hit my core. My actions were already affecting other things, other people. Nagising ang lola. Parang "Shet, oo nga". Na I felt pathetic for feeling those things, doing those things. Na hindi ko matanggap or mapakita sa tao na nasasaktan ako. Di ko ren kasi alam kung pride ba ito or nde. Basta magulo. Kaya di ko ren ma share. She said that maybe kelangan ko talaga ilabas.

The next actions, I know would somehow get a reaction from people who cares for me. People who said that maybe, just maybe, I must not be hanging out with the ex anymore.

Last night, I faced my fears.

I faced him. I know na it could have been a wrong move (pero may dala silang volleyball eh, na excite ako, ehehehhe). Different from the past meetings we had. Dati kasi kung hindi sobrang dedmahan, sobrang biruan naman. Ngayon at first aloof ako. I tried to avoid him. Pero alam niyo first words ko sa kanya kagabi? "Peram lighter". Ayos diba? Bisyo talaga... Ehehehehe.. Medyo ok naman. Siguro kasi may effort on his side (or nag feefeeling lang ako, pero ikaw ba naman nag shooshooting tas punta sya para tulungan ka, nde ba effort yun?). It was something different from what I've expected. First time I remember him calling me by my first name. First time we were ||<-- this close (well not really) na hindi ako na-ilang.. nahiya lang siguro. Ehehehehe. Medyo nag biruan, nag asaran, nde yung tawanan agad. Hindi binigla yung pangyayari. It's a slow process. Heck! at least it's a process.

I'm not sure if things would be normal again between the two of us, I'm also not expecting na mawawala agad yung sakit (minsan naman wala, minsan bigla na lang sumusulpot, ang gulo nga eh, nakakainis), pero alam ko na mawawala ren sya. Masaya na sya eh, and seriously, masaya naman ako for him. And mas ok na ren na ganyan sya. Mas madrama diba kung nde? Ehehehe.. Panahon lang yan, siguro nauna niya lang harapin kaya mas nauna sya naging ok. Ako naging in denial pa ko noon, at dumaan na sa anger.. so asa acceptance stage na ata ako, or nag skip.. ewan.. Or inantay ko lang sya maging ok, bago ko hinarap ng sarili ko.. hindi ko alam.. ang gulo ren.. ehehehhehe... and hindi ko ren ma pin-point kung ano talaga ang rason. Basta malabo. Saka ko na isipin yun, basta na face ko na fear ko. (At least ngayon alam niyo na ang sagot pag tinanonog niyo ko if ok lang ba ako.. ehehhehe)

As for my dear friend, hanggang ngayon naiinis pa ren ako sa sarili ko at nahihiya ng todo sayo. Kasi alam ko kahit friendship ko, di na kayang palitan yung value nung nawala ko. Bakit ba kasi kelangan pa mangyari yun para matauhan ako? Sorry talaga! Yaan mo, I'll try my best not to make my own drama na. I'll try to make my own fun na. I'm really really sorry. Super. :( I love you. Thank you for waking me up.

[edit] *bothered enough to talk to a stuff toy, na kelangan ko pala itago kasi may threat na of being kidnapped.. ehehehhe

Excuse me.

2008-09-12T12:41:00.011+08:00

I just needed to say something.

I've done stupid things, stupid assumptions, stupid actions, stupid logic, and realized I have been immature lately. In short I can be stupid every now and then. Heck I feel I have a right to be stupid once in a while. If there are ways to make up for my stupid mistakes, please tell me. But I doubt there is, because it's done already. No reason for dwelling on the past. I try not to regret that mistakes that makes me strong. If I keep repeating those mistakes, then the problem is me. I never learn.

I just need you to accept me for who I am and who I am not.

Sometimes it's tiring to control every emotion I have. It's tiring to think about what other people would feel. I'm tired of being strong. I'm a bitch that needs appreciation once in a while (and sometimes look for it at the wrong places or at the wrong time). I'm a friend that sometimes gets tired of having an emotional leech around. I'm a sister who can be a brat MOST OF THE TIME. I'm a flirt who has no idea what I'm getting into. I have a guy trapped in me. I am trying so hard to act my age, trying so hard to be lady like (much to the disappointment of my grandparents). I use a mask to hide what I really feel (just like what a friend said, I know how to pretend that everything is ok when it is not) I can be quite unreasonable sometimes. I disappoint the people I love. I need time alone. I need time with friends. I contradict myself. I am selfish, arrogant and rude (sometimes). I am patient, generous and would go out of my way for a friend (sometimes). I'm tired of making sense out of everything that's happening. Giving everything reasons. I can be a nag. I love thrills and excitement, but is scared to take the next step. I try my best to be an angel. But.. I.. just.. can't.... stop.... Because I guess that's what I am.

So please bear with me.

I really don't need to be judged right now.

*I love my friends, because they accept me for who I am despite all my negativity, despite all the physical and emotional pain I bring them :p and because they love me even when I'm at my worst.. *mwah*

Sensya na sa pagka emo.. 5 bottles of SML and I can't sleerp, so what do you expect? :P

Oktoberfest virgin no more!

2008-09-10T11:41:00.005+08:00

First time ko umattend ng Oktoberfest last friday. Only because of the Third Eye Blind concert. Despite having a sprained ankle form thursday's pick-up game, I walked from somewhere/almost corinthians (dun malapit building ko eh) to metrowalk (for a quick hair fix) then from metrowalk to San Miguel ave (till dun sa kabilang entrance). I swear! it was so disorganized! Di kami makapasok. Tapos kahit sino tanungin mo na staff, walang masagot. We then walked back near the main stage and entered the exit (pasaway kami, and nadala ng taray charms ni Joy or baka dun lang talaga entrance ng Gold Tickets, we forgot to check the map eh :( ). Anyhoo, lucky for us we got a place near the stage (after haggling with the bouncer to let us enter) and was able to watch the fireworks.

We were able to enjoy the full set of Bloomfields and OBS. I also saw Olsen Racela! Pero malayo, but still ok lang. I was trying to take pictures but due to my shaky hands, most of them came out blurred :(. I'm still trying to edit some of the pictures, but here's what I've got so far. (Click thumbnails for larger images)

Wasn't able to get pictures of the whole concert because manong bouncer said it wasn't allowed. Eh scary sya eh. Kaya yun.

Anyway, the concert was fun fun fun!! I may not act like it during the concert itself (syempre pagod sa work tas pilay), pero nag enjoy ako! Especially when they sang songs that reminds me of my student days :). Lahat ng init ng ulo ko tungkol sa oktoberfest, nawala! Ehehehe.. Stephan Jenkins connected with the crowd and I really LOL'ed (dahil nakakatuwa) when he sang "Ride with me" where the crowd answered "It's all about the money!". I have it on video, pero Treo lang so nde clear :( although medyo rinig naman ang boses.

Oh yes, after the concert, we headed to the tent. Scary lumabas ng viewing area, ang raming lasing. Muntikan na kaming nde papasukin kasi pang super VIP raw tickets naman.. Though, ang rami ng nagrereklamo. Lolz, pero ayun, taray charms na naman ni Joy kaya nakapasok ren, where finally I had my dinner (although hindisobrang sarap, ok na ren) and beers!

Anyway, I'll stay out of the coming Oktoberfest events. (And will have our own oktoberfest with QC friends on october.. yay!). Do you know where we could buy the Oktoberfest limited edition beer?

So you don't want to be friends?

2008-09-07T11:33:00.002+08:00

Fine.

[edit]

Madali lang naman akong kausap, sana sinabi mo na lang sa ken ng harapan. Di mo na sana pinaramdam. Of all people alam ko na alam mong gusto ko sinasabi na lang sa ken. Ok fine, I should understand. Alam ko ren na ganyan ka. Nakakalungkot lang kasi akala ko ok tayo, ok kayo. Friendship na lang siguro kasi pinanghahawakan ko sa ating dalawa, tapos ganun pa. Alam ko ang babaw ko maging affected dahil sa ganun, pero kilala mo ko pag pagkakaibigan na ang pinaguusapan. Or I guess you really don't know me that well. Pero yun nga. Fine, if yan ang gusto mo, wala akong magagawa. Basta masaya ka na, ok na yun. Di ko na pagpipilitan na maging mabuting magkaibigan tayo. Hirap kasi ng one-way effort lang, one way effort na nga dati, pati ba naman sa ganito? Wala akong sama ng loob, or at least I try not to have grudges talaga. I understand naman pero nakakalungkot lang. Sana lang talaga sinabi mo sa ken, kahit text man lang.

Eraserheads Reunion Concert

2008-08-31T10:48:00.005+08:00

Growing up, I have never watched the Eraserheads perform live. I was young back then and my mom wouldn't allow me to go to concerts. I would always record their songs on casette tapes and would hate it when the DJ's talk while the song is playing. I wasn't the die hard type, but I love them. I had a huge crush on Ely Buendia, I don't know all their songs (since I had no money to buy their albums) but I was sure that they're one of the best band evah!

College was a different story, that's when their songs sink in. When you love, hurt, have fun, make fun of other people, etc. The songs I listen to back in grade school finally made sense. Classic diba? Ilang years na, pinakikinggan pa ren.

So imagine my reaction when I heard that they're going to have a reunion concert.... and imagine my reaction when I heard it would not be free... meaning people are somehow controlled (I hate orcs, especially when they're in packs). Can you?? Can you?? YOU CAN'T. Because I can't even explain it.

And so enduring 2 hours sleep was so worth it, even if I had to stand for more than 3 hours and sweat so much that it hurts my eyes. And even though the concert was cut in half, IT WAS SO WORTH IT SEEING THE 4 THEM UP IN THE STAGE!!!

Their 1st set playlist (I took note of all the songs on my phone):

1. Alapaap
2. Ligaya
3. Sembreak
4. Hey Jay
5. Harana
6. Fruitcake
7. Toyang
8. Kamasupra
9. Kailan
10. Huwag kang matakot
11. Kaliwete
12. With a Smile
13. Shake Yer Head
14. Huwag mo nang itanong
15. Lightyears

I was crying during the countdown before the concert starts, especially during the last 2 minutes, and when they sang Alapaap and With a Smile (I imagined myself breaking down if ever they sing Magasin, Overdrive, Huling el Bimbo, and Pare Ko... which is part of the second set).

Though there were lots of dead air, I still enjoyed seeing them have fun and understood why Ely was quiet most of the time (namumugto nga mata niya eh when he removed his shades). Pero people laughed when they sang Toyang (%%they try... to tell us we're too.... old%%). They seem to have fun naman on stage. Aylavhem.

My selfish side wants another concert, but I want it to be a once in a lifetime experience.

According to sources, the second set was supposed to be:
1. Maskara
2. Poorman’s Grave
3. Torpedo
4. Trip to Jerusalem
5. Back to Me
6. Maselang Bahaghari
7. Maling Akala
8. Tikman
9. Spolarium
10. Magasin
11. Para sa Masa
12. Overdrive
13. Pare Ko
14. Minsan
15. Ang Huling El Bimbo

And now, I give you the lyrics of the song that I think made Ely break down.

Light Years

Big dipper, North of nowhere
Outside the room, inside my mind

I look forward to tomorrow
But can’t leave yesterday behind
How it feels so strange
To have grown and change
Now its not the same

Coz time slips and slides into another place
And try as we might
To understand each other
Doesn’t really matter where you are
It always seems too very far
It’s like you’re light years away
You’re light years away from me

Big dipper, South of somewhere
It looks much closer than it really is

I held it in my hands
But you’re forever out of reach
Far as the eye can see
Nothing is meant to be
Doesn’t mean much to me

But oh, if only i had a rocket ship to fly
I’d be right there in a minute
But it really doesn’t matter where you are
However near is still so far
It’s like youre light years away
You’re light years away from me, oh

Far as the eye can see
Nothing is meant to be
Doesnt mean much to me

To Raymund, Marcus, Buddy, and Ely, thanks for making my life much better with your songs and having the reunion concert. *hugs*

And I blog

2008-08-26T18:29:00.007+08:00

So ok, Bora wasn't that much helpful. I splurged, I bathe, I drank, I read, I ate, but I hadn't had that much time to think. So I splurged some more (more on that later).

okaeee..

work - check
friends - check
health - errr... check
love life - I love myself so check
finances - loans everywhere, but I'm coping.. so check

so what teh F is wrong?

Plans, that's what I need. I need plans. Well, I have plans naman.. spur of the moment plans. Ehehehe. Pero srsly, I DO have long term plans.. but most of them are at the bottom of my priority list. I want to do what I can do right now. Because I know at the age of 40, I won't be able to do whatever I wanted to do today. Like go for a drink, grab my clothes and head for wherever, meet new friends, dance, sing, etc.

*sigh* So what can a girl do? Make the biggest purchase of her LIFE! (which is really not connected to the paragraph above)

Yes, I bought something in Bora that could change my life forever! (After almost not boarding the plane and losing my rubber ducky with my DSLR and my friends' digicam) And would make me forever in debt (well 3 years naman). It could turn out bad or good, but I guess it's a risk I ~~was~~ am willing to take. PERO SYEMPRE SANA GOOD! FTW GOOD! YUNG TIPONG SUPER SULIT GOOD!

Anyhoo, can't say much details, pero if di maganda service nila, BE SURE NA LAGOT SILA SA BLOG KO! nyahahahha! (nananakot lang :)).

So ayun, like I said, sana yan yung suwerteng kapalit ng mga ~~kamalasan~~ katangahan ko nung asa Bora ako.

+++

Edward Cullen is the first fictional character that I fell in love with (well, besides Batman). I don't know why, must be the way he speaks, the words he choses, the way I imagine him smile... It helps that he is a vampire. The more fictional he is the more I love his character. I mean, I know that I would never ever meet someone like him so reading Twilight doesn't give me false hopes of having guy like Edward.

Annnnd made me realize that it takes a 17 year old guy, 80 years to mature.. nyeheheheh..

+++

The ex has a new girlfie.. uhuh uhuh :D well I'm glad he told me (although I had a hunch) and I'm happy for him. Sana lang mag mature na sya sa relationship na 'to at maging stable. Sana ren matulungan sya na ayusin ang buhay niya in general. Anyway, him having a new relationship made me realize that a slight part of my depression the past few weeks is the guilt of leaving him in pain (as what he says). Now that I see him smiling and I can joke around him, it made me feel much better and relieved. Sana mag tuloy-tuloy para sa kanya :D

+++

FTW!!!! I HAS TICKETS TO THE E-HEADS REUNION CONERT!!!! YEBAH!!

%%masdan mo aking mata.. di mo ba nakikita.. ako ngayo'y lumilipad at nasa langit na.. gusto mo bang.. sumama%%

Emo-ness

2008-08-12T13:49:00.005+08:00

It's been what? More than a month? *le sigh* Not much has happened the past month. Well, more drinking and more hanging out with friends. Training is over so I get to do real job (which made me really glad). Went to galera with QC friends, our first outing ever! Have tons of bills to pay. Finally getting enough sleep since my work starts at 9 AM. Beauty pill texts once in a while and somehow it makes me red, (flattered and furious). Have no idea what's happening with the ex, and I feel that's what he wants. Also been texting with JC (who's the first ex), about depression, life, past, future, etc... which really makes me feel glad that we're still friends. Yanyan is getting married and I'm happy for him and somehow sad for our friendship since we haven't got together in a while. Still looking for a kaladkarin friend. Tin and Keren is also getting married next year so I have to lose weight. Harold came back to PI to visit last month and Leah will be back in September.

And yes, nothing much has happened. I've been depressed most of the time and hanging out with friends seems to be the right cure. Which makes me glad that I have a number of acquaintances and friends. Though you can't help being alone sometimes. Which is actually healthy because you get to think about stuffs. But when these things are those that you usually don't understand, it gets tough. *"Tough times". Sometimes I hate myself for thinking to much or sometimes too late. Sometimes I really don't know what's bothering me. I find it hard to open up nowadays unlike before, which I think is the problem. But how can you open up if you don't even know what's bothering you right?

Don't get me wrong, alone is not bad. I enjoy being alone sometimes.

I want my own sanctuary, a hiding spot. Some place I could go and think. Some place green and windy or a beach, easy access yet only a few people knows the place. Some place I could cry and laugh alone. Where I could lie down and stare at the sky until the stars come out. Where I could talk to space without wondering if anyone is hearing me. I know I sound crazy, but you get what I mean.

I'll be going to Bora this weekend with a few girlfriends. I know it's like a party place, but hopefully I'll be able to do a few thinking there.. and have fun of course. At least now I know what I want to happen in Bora.

*tough love, thanks to my girlfriends for the "gift" :)

Finally

2008-06-21T22:48:00.003+08:00

I've been in my new project for about 3 weeks now. I'm still undergoing training so I'm not that busy. I'm enjoying it, since my idle time is spent online. I get to chat with old friends again and blog-hop and plurk and twit and mobwars... ehehhehe...

It took six months for me to get re-assigned. I remember requesting a re-assignment late last year. I told myself if I don't get re-assigned by the time I'm 25 (which is 3 months from now), it's time for me to move on... to another company. Which is really hard for me because I love the people here :(.

Then came the offer for the new project. It was hard to resist. (1) Because it's something new (Slightly web dev.. beats mainframe anytime), (2) New working hours!!! Yay!!!, and yes.. internet access.

So I said yes, and here I am.. blogging during lunch time. After how many days I've been here, I've been able to blog only now. Hehehe.

I miss my old project though. I miss the bonding I have with my team mates. I miss knowing most of the people you meet in the hallway.. But heck, you have to move on to learn new things, or is it you have to learn new things before you can move on? Either way, I'm learning new things and I'm trying to move on. This is for my career naman diba? Sana lang things would get much more better from here.

+++

Buti na lang andito si juliebee (One of my first friends at work) kaya medyo hindi mahirap para sa ken. Haha!

+++

A couple of nights ago, after drinking coffee late at night and I can't sleep, I edited one of my pictures to see how would I look with colored contacts.. teehee

Although the gray looks a bit brown.. ehehehe.. I likey all! ahahahah pero syempre di ko naman talaga kaya mag colored contacts. Di kaya ng confidence level ko.. ahahhaha.. Shy ako eh.. ehehhehehe

+++

Well I have a lot of things to post about pero outline ko na lang.. ahahahahah
+ Went to shelley's place last weekend for some drinks and pasta and wii!!!!
+ Playing badminton for an upper class is really challenging. Nabubugbog ako eh.. eheheheh
+ Bora this august!! wooohooo!! sana hindi bumagyo
+ Beauty Pill strikes again!!! and then backs out... para syang extra joss, temporary high lang.. eheheheh
+ So happy that I was able to chat with Yan-yan again.. but I can feel that we're not how close we used to be..
+ College girlfriends are settling down.. where does that left me? Wild and free and bridesmaid to be.. Hahaha!
+ I hope he grows up.
+ I hate my brother for introducing mobwars to me.. pfft!
+ Finished HIMYM season 3!!! Weeeh!! mi ♥ barney!!!
+ I wanna watch PATD, Lifehouse, Foo Fighters (is it true?), Alicia Keys.. kainez naman ang raming concerts!
+ I love my brothers.. wala lang.. gusto ko lang sabihin.. ehehehhe

... marami pa eh.. pero inaalala ko pa.. so good luck na lang sa ken.. And tapo sna ren lunch break.. yosi break muna.. eheheh..

I wish I could blog more. *le sigh* ang raming beses ko na sinabi yun. Ehehehehe..

xoxo

Abigol

Untitled

2008-06-14T13:26:00.004+08:00

I realized that maybe I'm not suited for a committed relationship. I have lots of friends, I'm impulsive, I have tons of things to do, I want to go to many places, I have to get back into sports, I want to do things myt own way, etc. I'm turning 25 and I haven't really accomplished anything yet. Wala pa nga akong license at passport eh.

I have time for myself now. I can have my quality time with myself. Like going to the mall, eating out, having coffee.. all-by-myself. I can't do that before without someone bombarding me with text messages like "Ano gawa mo?", "Anong oras ka uwi?", "Di ka pa ba tapos?" like I'm some kid coming home to my mom.

I do miss him. Or maybe I miss having someone take care of me. But then, why let someone else take care of you if you can take care of yourself? And by his actions this past few weeks, it made me realized that I did the right thing for myself. Selfish no? Ilang months ren naman ako naging selfless no.

I do want someone in the future though. Someone who can stand on his own too. Someone I can connect to. Someone that would be the man of the house. But not right now. I'm not looking naman for someone eh.

Kaya ngayon eto.. besides work, nag frisbee training ako yesterday, tas may badminton tournament pa sa office, and sana matuloy yung basketball with the girls (si chenai sana magayos. ehhehehe).. and may mga planned out of trips pa ko, tapos medyo nawawala na ang social constraint ko. Ehehehehe.

BTW, go to Shelley's blog for a rundown on our baler adventure last May 1 to 4. Sobrang fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-23T13:14:00.001+08:00

"let the sun shine.. let the rivers run away.. coz it's beautiful day now to play now, as i close my eyes and pray.. Lord have mercy on me.. coz i'm feelin kinda lonely, could you be, would you be.. my one and only"

Usapang Bola

2008-05-15T16:19:00.000+08:00

I miss watching NBA or just being updated with it. Saya tuloy ng may internet para sa live scores. Ever since I worked, wala na talaga akong constant update sa NBA, kahit PBA.. UAAP lang kasi asaran sa office.

I really wish Boston wins. Garnett deserves it. Para naman magpahinga na sya. Ang tanda na niya eh. Hehehhe.

Sana ren matalo ng New Orleans ang Spurs. Sawa na ko sa kanila eh. Kelangan ng fresh blood. Malufet si CP3 eh. Di ko naman napanood lahat ng games nila, pero yung minsanan na panonood ko eh nakakatuwa sya. (At nakipagpustahan ako eh. Hehe)

I don't like Kobe and si Lebron naman, di ko ren masyado gusto. I mean their good, pero kung si MJ nga di ko gusto eh, sila pa!? (Nakipagpustahan ren ata ako na di mananalo Cavs sa finals.. tama ba Daron?

Di pumasok yung team ng gusto kong player so di ko na sya babanggitin. Next year sana.

Yun lang. Papalipas lang ng break.

10 minutes of blogging

2008-05-13T12:53:00.003+08:00

I am on training right now and it's currently our break so I have time to blog. I think.

So bear with me.

I've been officially single for about 3-4 days now, and it's quite surprising that I'm ok. Ok maybe I'm really not ok. But then, after a few heart breaks, scars, emotional breakdown and anything that makes me wish I'm dead, I realize that there are more people who has bigger problems than the matters of the heart. I have better things to do than breaking down, punching the wall, acting drunk or whatever.

I hate him (as a boyfriend). There, I said it. I care for him since he's one of those people that made me happy. But if you knew things that you didn't know before, wouldn't you ask yourself if it's still worth it? Is it still worth not regretting the trouble you went through just for him? That still puzzles me.

I've always thought that it was my fault. That it's the risk I took entering a relationship with a 20 year old. But then, how would you feel if he makes you feel guilty with everything you do? when he does things you never knew he could? Things that he usually feel bad about when you do it?

I'm just glad that we are in the same group of friends. It would help me not hate him more and probably in time be really good friends with him.

I will be better.

And I hope he will accept the fact that it's over and will be better too.

I did love him. But I love myself more.

10 minutes over.

A new old friend

2008-04-02T10:30:00.006+08:00

A few weeks back, I think it was black saturday, an old friend messaged me on friendster. Initial reaction? Gulat, tuwa at curious kung bakit bigla akong ni-pm at ni-add. Madyo nagkaron kasi kami ng misunderstanding before and di na kami nagusap ever since. More than 3 years kaming hindi naguusap. Pero time after time, naaalala ko sya and I realize how much I miss her.

She asked if I remember her, of course I remember her! I remember how fond we were of the moon, how she treats me at starbucks (estudyante pa ko nun at mocha frappe lang ang alam kong inumin), how we watch UAAP finals sa TV, how we went to glorietta to meet another friend, how we disagree on so many things but still enjoy hanging out with each other. I learned a lot from her. But I guess some story has to end. I guess we both need to grown on our own.

Anyways, The very same day, we exchanged new numbers and decided to meet each other at starbucks near our place. I didn't know what to expect. I was thinking maybe we are too much apart that we don't have anything to talk about anymore. Maybe it would be a little awkward.I mean, I haven't heard from her in years and haven't got any news from her. What would be my first words? What would I tell her? You know.. those things.

But it was surprisingly comfortable. Parang dati pa ren. Parang one week lang kami hindi nagkita. Sobrang kuwentuhan to the max. And new topics! Like Billups, T-Mac, Kobe, Conspiracy, Lozada, Nickleback, Blogging, etc. Nakakatuwa talaga sya. Six hours kaming nag chikahan. And after a long time, naka 3 bote ako ng beer, ng hindi nagiging tipsy. I guess ganun talaga pag di mo napapansin ang naiinom mo sa sobrang saya ng kuwentuhan. I'm glad to see her happy self again and much more contented. She's still the same but somehow changed.. labo ba? hehehehe.. She still stands for what she believes in. She's one of those few kasi na masasabi mong totoo sa sarili.

It's a start of an old friendship. Labo ba? Pero if you were in my place, I guess maiintindihan niyo. I'm looking forward to see her more and talk about stuffs again and to learn more from her. Sobrang happy :) Lalo na maisip mo na hindi lang pala patikim ang friendship niyo nun and matutuloy ren pala sya on its own time. Wala lang, nakakatuwa lang isipin :)

Chubby ka chubby

2008-03-08T18:52:00.003+08:00

Tinitignan ko ang mga larawan ko noon. Ang laki ng nilaki ko. Literal! Nakakalungkot isipin na nung panahon n ayun ay pakiramdam ko ang panget ko.. ang taba ko.. samantalang ngayon tunay na uhm.. huggable ako ay feeling ko ang ganda ko.. Sayang lang at sana nuon pa man, na suot ko na ang mga gusto kong suotin at nagawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin.

Noon:

Ngayon, nahihirapan na ko umakyat ng hagdan, mag high heels, at d na kasya ang mga pantalong ko dati. Madalas na ko ma winnie the pooh. Iba na kasi siguro ang activities ko ngayon. Mas gusto ko pa matulog. Haaaay... In a span of a year or two, ang laki ng binigat ko :(..

O diba? Pero syempre may matitinong pictures pa naman ako ngayon.. baka isipin niyo ganyan itsura ko in real life.. d naman masyado.. ehehehhee.. mas maganda ako ng in person.. tarush! ahahahahha

At least ngayon, mas feeling ko na maganda ako.. Ahahahah! Haba ng huuur ko ngayon eh. Howell, sana the sportsfest helps in me getting back into shape.

Iba siguro talaga nagagawa ng confidence. Dahil kahit lumaki ako, mas marami nag sasabi na umaayos ren naman itsura ko (wala naman nagsasabi na panget ako noon eh, mas marami lang nagsasabi na maganda ako ngayon). Yun na ren siguro ang effect sa ken ng pagiging optimistic.. sabi nga nila, you are what you think. Therefore I'm adobo!! este.. I'm beautiful (sorry.. gutom lang d pa nag didinner).

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But then, may moments na feeling ko ang panget ko talaga.. na naiinsecure ako sa ibang tao.. and i know this post won't help me. Everytime na makikita ko to, malulungkot ako lalo na pag i'm depressed.. na maaalala ko na may time sa life ko na pwede ko gawin ang mga gusto ko, pero di ko ginawa. Na iisipin ko ano ba nangyari sa ken bakit ako biglang namaga. Na wag ako mag maganda dahil di ako maganda.

I know, baka mababaw lang to sa ibang tao.. pero kung babae ka, you'd understand how I feel. Kahit ang mga payat at magaganda, ay may mga ganitong moments ren.

So mag iiwan ako ng note sa sarili ko (at sa ibang tao) next time na mabasa ko to:

Note to self: Mabuting tao ka. Alam mo sa sarili mo na mabuti ang kalooban mo at yun ang tunay na kagandahan. Ang mahalaga ay kung pano ka nabuhay, paano ka sa ibang tao.. paano ka sa sarili mo. Kung pano ka babangon pagkatapos ng bawat pagsubok. Di ka man blessed sa genes, blessed ka naman sa ibang bagay at dapat magpasalamat ka para dun. And ano man itsura mo, may nagmamahal sayo. Ang laki ng inimprove mo as a person, so don't stop now. Stay optimistic. See the glass as half-full.

aaaaand dahil sobrang serious na, at if nde mag work yung note sa taas, eto.. last note:.. ika nga ng isang beri gud friend ko.. balance of nature lang... d pwedeng maganda at matalino in one.. kaya matalino ka!!!.. ehhehehehe

*ni resize ko yung pics.. d ko sure kung tama.. wala kasi akong photoshop eh.. huhuhuhu

Love Month

2008-03-01T22:13:00.002+08:00

I am not a big fan of valentines. Baka defense mechanism lang. Pero this year was different. It was the first time I spent it with a special someone :). He picked me up at the office and we spent the evening together. Knowing him, I know it's really an effort. And I'm really glad he did it because it made me love him more ♥

+++

I also went home to the province last month. It was a BLAST! I mean, it was more than what I expected. You see, my brothers and I rarely get together. I think this is the first time that we all went together to the province, as in family lang namin. Walang aunts, walang cousins. Except for a close friend (Chesca was with us). Nakapag bond kami through DS, PSP, eating, smoking, drinking (with our Lolo who drinks red horse), etc. I'm happy na close kami ng mga kapatid ko. Bihira lang kasi ako makakita ng ganun eh. Eheheheh.

+++

Also went to Galera last weekend with my girlfriends! Ang saya kasi sunog kami lahat, ehehehhe. And nakapag relax kami. Sarap ren uminom ng beer ng hapon kahit mainit basta asa beach, mas masarap ren ngayon ang mindoro sling nila. Ehehehe. ANG HIRAP MAG UNDERWATER POSE!! eheheheh.. Sana talaga I have my own PC na para I could post my pictures.. haaaay...

+++

Sabi ko I'll try to update as much as possible, ang nangyayari puro recap lang.. huhuhu...

Finally!

2008-02-05T19:23:00.000+08:00

WAAH!! Ang tagal ko na inasam na mag blog.. ngunit ako'y nakalipat na at d pa kaya ng budget ang DSL at desktop PC. Kamusta naman kayong lahat? Sana may naka miss sa ken.. ahahhaha..

Anyhoo, Masarap ren pala ang tumira malayo sa pamilya. Nakakaranas ng mga bagay na d ko naranasan dati. Nagkakaron na ren ako ng pahanon para sa sarili ko. Suwerte ko n lang at may mabuti akong housemate at chariot driver kaya nakakatipid kahit papano. Kaya lang marami pa ren kelangan bayaran, sana pag nabayaran ko na sila, may pambili na ko ng sariling kotse or pang down sa isang townhouse. Mas maaga na ko nakakatulog ngayon at mas nakakapag concentrate sa trabaho (oo!! nag o-OT na ko!! ahahhaha). Mas gumaganda ang pakiramdam at d na madalas ang tamaditis na kasakitan ko. Ang saya diba?

Nakatulong ren ang paglayo sa aking love life. Dahil mas nag loo-look forward ako sa mga araw na makikita ko sya, at nagkakaron kami ng panahon para sa aming mga sarili. Mas malimit ang away at tampuhan, at nag go-grow ang aming relationship to a semi-mature level.

Nakakamiss lang ang may mga tao kang kakilala na makakasalubong sa daan, may tindahan na mauutangan, may mga kuyang kinukulit at pinagsasabihan pag nag fee-feeling nanay ako. Pero eto na nga ata ang inaasam ko na pagbabago sa buhay ko para sa taon na ito.

Sana lang maka-ipon na ko, para masimulan ko na ang iba sa aking mga pangarap. Tulad ng pag-biyahe sa ibang bansa, pag bili ng sariling kotse o bahay at lupa, pag aral ulit, pag karon ng sariling kasalda na pinangalanan na "Corpus" o "Bigol". Kahit building lang o kuwarto sa isang marangyang unibersidad, masaya na ko.

O sya mga kaibigan, ako'y kelangan umuwi na.. nakigamit lang ako sa PC ng aking mabutihing team leader (dahil wala na sya). Nawa'y makapag blog ako ng madalas.. na may pictures na.. ehehehe..

xoxo

Bigol

(Manood nga pala kayo ng Iryu: Team Medical Dragon.. maganda sya! nakakaadik ehehehhe)

2008 will be my year

2008-01-01T12:37:00.000+08:00

Things that happened in 2007

+ Fell in love
+ Went to Bohol, Cebu, La Union, Puerto Galera (thrice this year), and Boracay
+ Got myself thinking about my career
+ Gained a lot of pounds
+ Has not been into sports that much
+ Lessened my alcohol
+ Increased my smokes
+ Doubled my intake of coffee
+ I got a little boring
+ I bought new toys; iPod Touch, my bother's 2nd hand DS, a Holga, and my Nikon D40. (wow, lot of brasnd news unlike last year)
+ I did already say I'm at my "chubbiest" moment this year right?

I don't want to list any new years resolution since it's most likely not to come true. But I can assure you is, in 2008, there will be a lot of changes.

All in all, 2007 is one of my most memorable year =)

So I would like to thank a lot of people...

to my friends who always makes me laugh and makes me forget my worries, thanks for always being there, thanks for the lunch outs, dinners, coffee date, outings, text messages, exchange of emails, drinking sessions, yosi breaks, and especially for listening to my rantings and being patient with my out of place hirits.

to my baby who took care of me all through out the year, thanks for being the one special person in my life who makes me feel hot and sexy... oh, and also loved =p. I am looking forward to spending more years with you.

to my brothers whom I never really got along with when we were kids. Thanks for being there when I needed you guys. It's amazing how we matured and now can get along very well. Thank you for learning to accept that I'm not a baby anymore.

to my parents and granparents, you may not always be by my side, but I know that in our hearts, we'll always be together. Though there are tmes I feel weak, just thinking of you guys, makes me get back on my feet again because I don't want you to worry about me. And one day, I will make you really really proud of me.

So that's it dear readers, hopefully this year I'll get more hits. Haha! Thanks. See more of you in 2008!!

Updates!!

2007-12-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

I NEED TO UPDATE THIS BLOG MORE OFTEN!!!

+ Went to Bora last november 29 to december 3. FIRST TIME!! Though I like Bohol and Cebu better. I guess I'm more of a beach bum than a beach party go-er. But still, I know how to enjoy and I left my mark at Bora.. 15 shots babeeeeeh!!! 15 shots and still standing!!! Hahahaha!!

+ Watched Avenue Q yesterday and it was one of the best! I kept laughing so hard! It's really .. real! I like how they used the puppets and still made the story realistic. WATCH IT!!!!!!!!

+ 1 year na kami sa january.. weeeeeeh!!! *happy happy kilig kilig*

+ Wala ng globe unlitext :(

+ Will be moving out on January... exciting!!

+ Might be moving to wordpress (Thanks ate sienna)

+ I want a new laptop, or a desktop.. haaaay... so i can upload more pictures.

I guess that's all. Well not really, but that's all I remember for now.. like I said, I need to update this blog more often. Hehehe

2007-11-22T20:02:00.000+08:00

Things are quite going well for me.. well, sana hindi lang sila patikim. Anyways, I want to update my devart, but sadly, I haven't touched my camera for a month already. I find my blog borng because of the lack of pictures, and sensible posts. Boooooring!

I still need 7 stickers for the starbucks planner. 17 stickers in less than a month is not bad right? Ahahahhaha!

I still don't feel the chrismas spirit.. =( will somebody help me please.. =(

2007-11-19T22:31:00.001+08:00

I want ~~someone~~ him to be happy for me. =( as in genuinely happy, not no-choice-but-to-be-happy.

*edited

using my new toy to blog

2007-11-11T01:44:00.000+08:00

I love my new toy! Thanks momi shelles for convincing me. :)

Wala pang 24 hours, na jailbreak ko na :)... So far my favorite applications are lights off, black jack, summerboard, and calendar...

Though, I still have a hard time typing using the qwerty board.

But still it's worth the money I borrowed. Haha!

I'll try to blog more about it when I get my hands on a decent PC... my laptop is already dead.. huhu

Btw, I love my new toy so much that my boyfriend is jealous. Haha..

2007-11-07T22:59:00.001+08:00

new toy, happy ako..

tapos na i-configure, tinext ko si boyfriend kung san sya..

supposedly lalabas n ko..

hinarangan ako ni kuya dahil interested sya sa new toy ko..

syempre, mayabang ako, pinagmayabang ko naman..

so chikahan galore kami..

dumating text niya asking me what i am doing.. and sana nmana raw mag reply ako..

e d sabi ko nag chichikahan kami ng kuya ko..

palabas n ko ng pinto, natanggap ko text niya "uwi na lang ako"

e d binilisan ko.. wala pang half a kilometer yung layo niya, tinatawag ko sya.. as in sure ako na rinig niya.. at ayaw niyang lumingon, ayaw niya ko pansinin.

tinext ko ng "FINE!"

ngayon nag sosorry sya..

gago ba sya? eh ilang beses na niya ginawa yan ah! ilang beses ko na sinabing ayoko na ginagawa niya yun.. nakakabwiset! tas sasabihin niya na bumalik naman sya.. kung kelan nainis na ko??? leche! desisyon niya mag walk out bahala sya! ano ineexpect niya habulin ko sya ulit? eh naman! garrr!!!! di raw sya nagiisip.. lagi na lang! kelan kaya sya mag-iisip? TRY KO NGA MINSAN DI MAG-ISIP AT YUN ANG I-RASON KO! tanggapin niya kaya??? AND I RARELY SEE HIM HAPPY PAG MASAYA AKO!! ewan ko sa kanya.. he has a mental list of everything wrong or negative I say.. well I hope he takes note of this.. UNTI NA LANG MAPUPUNO NA TALAGA AKO!

so ano ginagawa ko ngayon para lumamig ulo ko? pag aralan si new toy.. haaay...

kainis. You know why? beacuse I know na bukas ok na naman kami. And I'm pretty sure this will happen again.

*all this post in 3 minutes

3 days late

2007-10-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

So... Happy birthday to me!

Well, belated..

Ayon, my birthday was sooooo plain. Except for special instances like the lunch at oysterboy and starbucks baristas mackoy and don bringing me banoffee pie and iced caramel macchiatto (yum!), also the mcdo dinner my tita and brother sponsored for me and the kids.

I'm already 24 and I'm still getting a hang of it. Parang ang rami pa ren kulang sa life ko. Pero since people say I'm still young, I guess kelangan ko maniwala.. hahahaha..

I was supposed to migrate or move or whatever to wordpress for my birthday, but I was pressed for time, because I only thought of it 2 days before the day itself.

Anyway, a few thanks to the people that made my birthday special:

Drei, Shelwin, Julie and Sherbs - Thanks for having time for the dinner despite our busy scheds. And for always being great friends (especially shelwin kasi lagi kitang sinusungitan).. You guys were my first friends at work, and I know that our friednship doesn't end there. I love you! (And I don't mind some of you guys having drama fits during my birthday. hahahah!)

PLG - You girls are the greatest! I mean, I really never thought that our friendship would reach this far. It started from sports to inuman to out of town trip. You guys do make me feel special. And I treasure each and everyone of you. Thanks for making joy's birthday and mine a week long celebration. Loveshoe all!!! *faints* *blags*

To all the people that greeted me.

1st person to greet me - my boyfriend
1st gradeschool friend - tj
1st HS friend - lian
1st college friend - darren
1st internationl greeter - keren
1st officemate - joy
1st "kid" - brendon
1st surprising text - GLOBE

To all the people that left a message and comment at friendster, thanks.

Wow, I guess all I need to do was blog about my day to realize it wasn't that plain afterall. Thanks. ^_^

My <3's Soundtrack

2007-10-21T16:05:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of soungs that reminds me of him. Especially songs that are his liking. Since he's more of a hip-hop guy and I, an all around person (naks!), I'm sharing this verses from few of my fave songs that reminds me of him. I try to avoid the songs he usually listens to.

I had tons of songs lined up to post, Temporary Madness - Jodie Brooke Wilson,
Bliss - Alice Peacock (feat John Mayer), Echo - Trapt, Come Down to Me - Saving Jane, Miss You Love - Silverchair, Everytime - Janet Jackson, etc.. But then I heard this song over the radio and it describe almost everything I feel when I'm with him.

Bubbly Colbie Caillat

Spoken:
Will you count me in?

Sung:
I've been awake for a while now
you've got me feelin like a child now
cause every time i see your bubbly face
i get the tinglies in a silly place

C: It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

The rain is fallin on my window pane
but we are hidin in a safer place
under covers stayin dry and warm
you give me feelings that i adore

it starts in my toes
make me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

But what am i gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just........mmmmmm

Starts in my toes
makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go

da da da da da da da da bu dum da dum da dum da da dum ...mmmmmm

I've been asleep for a while now
You tucked me in just like a child now
Cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul
And I lose all control
When you kiss my nose
The feelin shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holdin me tight.
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go
Where ever, where ever, where ever you go...

Advance Happy Birthday baby!! =*