I am on training right now and it's currently our break so I have time to blog. I think.
So bear with me.
I've been officially single for about 3-4 days now, and it's quite surprising that I'm ok. Ok maybe I'm really not ok. But then, after a few heart breaks, scars, emotional breakdown and anything that makes me wish I'm dead, I realize that there are more people who has bigger problems than the matters of the heart. I have better things to do than breaking down, punching the wall, acting drunk or whatever.
I hate him (as a boyfriend). There, I said it. I care for him since he's one of those people that made me happy. But if you knew things that you didn't know before, wouldn't you ask yourself if it's still worth it? Is it still worth not regretting the trouble you went through just for him? That still puzzles me.
I've always thought that it was my fault. That it's the risk I took entering a relationship with a 20 year old. But then, how would you feel if he makes you feel guilty with everything you do? when he does things you never knew he could? Things that he usually feel bad about when you do it?
I'm just glad that we are in the same group of friends. It would help me not hate him more and probably in time be really good friends with him.
I will be better.
And I hope he will accept the fact that it's over and will be better too.
I am not a big fan of valentines. Baka defense mechanism lang. Pero this year was different. It was the first time I spent it with a special someone :). He picked me up at the office and we spent the evening together. Knowing him, I know it's really an effort. And I'm really glad he did it because it made me love him more ♥
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I also went home to the province last month. It was a BLAST! I mean, it was more than what I expected. You see, my brothers and I rarely get together. I think this is the first time that we all went together to the province, as in family lang namin. Walang aunts, walang cousins. Except for a close friend (Chesca was with us). Nakapag bond kami through DS, PSP, eating, smoking, drinking (with our Lolo who drinks red horse), etc. I'm happy na close kami ng mga kapatid ko. Bihira lang kasi ako makakita ng ganun eh. Eheheheh.
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Also went to Galera last weekend with my girlfriends! Ang saya kasi sunog kami lahat, ehehehhe. And nakapag relax kami. Sarap ren uminom ng beer ng hapon kahit mainit basta asa beach, mas masarap ren ngayon ang mindoro sling nila. Ehehehe. ANG HIRAP MAG UNDERWATER POSE!! eheheheh.. Sana talaga I have my own PC na para I could post my pictures.. haaaay...
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Sabi ko I'll try to update as much as possible, ang nangyayari puro recap lang.. huhuhu...
tapos na i-configure, tinext ko si boyfriend kung san sya..
supposedly lalabas n ko..
hinarangan ako ni kuya dahil interested sya sa new toy ko..
syempre, mayabang ako, pinagmayabang ko naman..
so chikahan galore kami..
dumating text niya asking me what i am doing.. and sana nmana raw mag reply ako..
e d sabi ko nag chichikahan kami ng kuya ko..
palabas n ko ng pinto, natanggap ko text niya "uwi na lang ako"
e d binilisan ko.. wala pang half a kilometer yung layo niya, tinatawag ko sya.. as in sure ako na rinig niya.. at ayaw niyang lumingon, ayaw niya ko pansinin.
tinext ko ng "FINE!"
ngayon nag sosorry sya..
gago ba sya? eh ilang beses na niya ginawa yan ah! ilang beses ko na sinabing ayoko na ginagawa niya yun.. nakakabwiset! tas sasabihin niya na bumalik naman sya.. kung kelan nainis na ko??? leche! desisyon niya mag walk out bahala sya! ano ineexpect niya habulin ko sya ulit? eh naman! garrr!!!! di raw sya nagiisip.. lagi na lang! kelan kaya sya mag-iisip? TRY KO NGA MINSAN DI MAG-ISIP AT YUN ANG I-RASON KO! tanggapin niya kaya??? AND I RARELY SEE HIM HAPPY PAG MASAYA AKO!! ewan ko sa kanya.. he has a mental list of everything wrong or negative I say.. well I hope he takes note of this.. UNTI NA LANG MAPUPUNO NA TALAGA AKO!
so ano ginagawa ko ngayon para lumamig ulo ko? pag aralan si new toy.. haaay...
kainis. You know why? beacuse I know na bukas ok na naman kami. And I'm pretty sure this will happen again.
There are a lot of soungs that reminds me of him. Especially songs that are his liking. Since he's more of a hip-hop guy and I, an all around person (naks!), I'm sharing this verses from few of my fave songs that reminds me of him. I try to avoid the songs he usually listens to.
I had tons of songs lined up to post, Temporary Madness - Jodie Brooke Wilson, Bliss - Alice Peacock (feat John Mayer), Echo - Trapt, Come Down to Me - Saving Jane, Miss You Love - Silverchair, Everytime - Janet Jackson, etc.. But then I heard this song over the radio and it describe almost everything I feel when I'm with him.
Bubbly Colbie Caillat
Spoken: Will you count me in?
Sung: I've been awake for a while now you've got me feelin like a child now cause every time i see your bubbly face i get the tinglies in a silly place
C: It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose where ever it goes i always know that you make me smile please stay for a while now just take your time where ever you go
The rain is fallin on my window pane but we are hidin in a safer place under covers stayin dry and warm you give me feelings that i adore
it starts in my toes make me crinkle my nose where ever it goes i always know that you make me smile please stay for a while now just take your time where ever you go
But what am i gonna say when you make me feel this way I just........mmmmmm
Starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose where ever it goes i always know that you make me smile please stay for a while now just take your time where ever you go
da da da da da da da da bu dum da dum da dum da da dum ...mmmmmm
I've been asleep for a while now You tucked me in just like a child now Cause every time you hold me in your arms I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth
It starts in my soul And I lose all control When you kiss my nose The feelin shows Cause you make me smile Baby just take your time now Holdin me tight. Where ever, where ever, where ever you go Where ever, where ever, where ever you go...
Dagdag pa na lagi kami nag aaway at di magkaintindihan.. Minsan nararamdaman ko na talaga yun age gap namin.. Minsan di ko na ma-tolerate ang kanyang pagka immature.. Minsan feeling ko it won't work out.. Minsan hindi na ko masaya..
And yung minsan na yun nag sabay-sabay sa isang araw.. kamusta naman diba?
I broke up with him.. well I tried to break up with him.. over the text.. then over the phone.. Mehn, maiiyak-iyak ako sa office.. grabe.
Pumunta ako sa kanila to talk.. He wanted to be with me raw for the last time..
Ayon, parang laban o bawi lang.. pwede naman raw kalimutan na lahat and start over, kahit naman daw nagkakainisan kami, nagkakaayos ren naman raw... sabi ko ayaw ko umabot sa point na magkagalit kami.. sabi niya di naman raw aabot sa ganun.. ayaw raw niya.. di raw niya kaya.. Naisip ko ren, kaya ko ba? Pagkasama ko sya, nde ko ma-stand yung sobra niyang tahimik at pikon at pag-iisip.. pero pag wala naman sya at di ko alam kung asan, hinahanap hanap ko sya.. Inis na inis ako pag text sya ng text, pero pag di naman, nagtataka ako kung bakit at tingin ako ng tingin sa phone ko.. Pag ok naman mood niya, sobrang saya ko at sobrang kinikilig ako..
This is so funny, a few days ago I dreamt of Pen Medina.. Yes, the guy who played hagorn, the guy who raped cogie domingo in deathrow, the guy who played eds dad in tabing ilog, the guy who we have seen in a lot of movies but I never saw him played lead roles (not much of a movie junkie), but one of the greatest actor I've watched.
Oh yes, about the dream.. I was watching him working on a movie (an action movie) at this old house, and yes he was the lead character. I got to interview him afterwards and his answers were amazing (too bad I can't remember them when I woke up). After the interview, he continued the shoot and I met up with my friends. I was like "I'm going to blog about this!". Then one of my friends asked what project was Pen working on. I answered "Prison Break Season 3". That was all I could remember when I woke up and natatawa ako, bakit? Kasi journalist ako.. hahahah! Ang weird lang.. Hehehe.. =p
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Still haven't worked on my external HD.. more than 30GB of MP3's, videos and pictures.. :( oh and my updated resume.. kainis!!! sana kaya pa i-restore.. hayayaay..
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Had an argument a while ago.. =( ang sad.. bakit ganun? kahit mahal niyo ang isa't isa, may mga bagay tala na di kayo magkasundo
I haven't posted as much as I used too. And I don't have any interesting stories to tell.
In fact, my life has been less dramatic since college, drinking sessions, getting over the ex, crying at night then drinking again, series of hearts being broken (or probably my ego) etc.. etc. Gawd I miss those days.
Ever since I've been working, I can do everything I want (as long it's legal and I have budget for it) that sometimes it gets boring.
It's either I do something illegal or I get rich and travel the world, now that would be something. But I don't want to start doing anything illegal and I'm not rich.
I've been here and there except where I really wanted to be, been doing this and that except what I really wanted to do. You know why? Because I have no idea of what I really want and where I want to go.
I have dreams, typical dreams of ladies my age.. but I have nothing specific for me. I have no passion for these goals that I'd rather sleep than work on achieving them.. and that just sucks.
I blame myself, well I have no one else to blame but me.
And even though I have blamed myself for months now, I still haven't seen any difference.
Sometimes I want to run away, thus the moving away part or working abroad. But I'm still not sure of the risks or if I have the guts to finally do what I've said a gazillion time. I have no savings to start with.
Oh yes, the savings. I don't know how to save. I have this notion to do what you wan tto do at that moment because maybe I'll be dead by tomorrow. So what's the point of saving up for a long term plan (thus not enjoying what you can enjoy now) when you're not even sure you're alive by then? But I'm slowly thinking about the future na ren (naks! tumatanda!), that's why I'm a bit confused on what to do. Or maybe it's because I just buy a lot of things (and eat too). Hey! I'm just doing things I haven't done when I was a kid! (defensive no?)
*sigh*
I've been reading my old post, and I wonder what happened to me? Haaay..
anyway, sabi ko sa niyo eh, I have no interesting stories to tell.
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An old post.. di ko na inedit para makita niyo how bad I am at writing:
"Hi." You said as you sat by my side. All I could do was stare. I did not expect to see you, especially today. I could tell that you just came from the gym. You stared back in a funny way. It was like you were trying to read my mind. "Gym?" I asked stupidly knowing that the answer was obvious. You just nodded your head. We sat beside each other not saying anything at all while watching the kids play in the park. You changed a lot since we were kids. You grew taller, much cuter and you even smell good when you’re sweaty.
After a few minutes of silence you looked at me and smiled. "What?" I asked while punching your arm in a playful manner. "Nothing, it’s just sometimes I wish we were kids again". And so do I. Things were less complicated back then when you were this stick-thin guy who likes to pretend that he was Batman, and no-boys/girls-allowed-clubs were the "IN" thing.
I saw your wristwatch. It’s the same wristwatch I gave you a few years ago. "Nice to see you’re still wearing that watch" I complimented. "This one? Why not? It was given by the best person in the world" you said while your smile melts my heart.
"I have to go. I still have a lot of things to do" I said as I stood up. You stood up being the gentleman that you are and said "Be there tomorrow ok? I need you to be there". I was able to smile and said "Of course, it’s your wedding; I wouldn’t miss it even if I get courtside passes to an NBA championship game". You dropped your bag and hugged me tight and whispered "Thanks. You’re the best friend any guy could ask for. I’ll name our kid after you". "Sabi mo yan ha, after 5 months dapat madadagdagan ang magaganda sa mundo" *(Just be sure that after 5 months, your kid would turn out as beautiful as me) I joked and you just smiled. "Sige na, aayusin ko pa yung dress ko para bukas" (Anyway, I still have to get my dress ready for tomorrow). As I turned around, I heard you whisper something. I whispered "I love you too". Too bad you cannot hear it together with my tears that you cannot see.
When I see your smile Tears run down my face I can't replace And now that I'm stronger I've figured out How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok. Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you Please don't walk away, Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be ok Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
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Sabay nung kinanta ko sa kanya sa phone kasabay yung mp3.. sabi niya "pakihinaan bi, sakit sa tenga eh".. saya no? =(
I asked some of my friends how they wanted to die. They answered truthfully, but when they asked me, I had no answer.
I have thought about it for a while..
I've always told myself that no death is painless. Even if it's during our sleep. It may look painless, but the fact that it's your body that's collapsing or not working.. that hurts.
I want to die where nobody else is responsible for my death. I don't want people saying "If only I stopped her from smoking", "If only I was there to save her", etc.. I want them to think that it was just my time.
Death is a beautiful thing. I think it's scary because it means life has stopped, you can't repay debts, you can't make up for mistakes, you can't achieve your dreams.. you get what I mean? But I perceive Death as God's way of saying you have done what he asked us to do.
It's something natural. I'm not saying that I won't ask God why if ever someone close to me dies (I'm sure I'd ask a lot of questions), I'd cry.. I'll curse.. but I know eventually I'll learn to accept it.
I'm not afraid of Death. I'm scared of not being able to be with the people I love.
While my boyfriend and I were surfing youtube, we saw this, and now I'm watching/listening to his other videos.. and it's magic I tell you. Well maybe because I'm just easy to please or he really is that good! I haven't heard of him before so bear with me if he's already a known artist.
David Sides
playing Bobby Valentino's Anonymous
playing Robin Thicke's Lost without you
He plays more of the RNB songs like Buy you a drank, Icebox, Say Goodbye, Umbrella, etc.. but he has Coldplay too! Coolness =) and also Party like a rockstar! hahahahah..
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Many times I may hate my boyfriend because of our misunderstandings, he makes up for everything in just a minute or two.
Like hugging me while we sleep and I can feel he's staring at me.. adoring me (naks!)
Slow dancing with just the raindrops outside as our music..
Or just showing how much he loves me.
Wala lang.. kinikilig lang ako.. hehehe
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One line in Evan Almighty had me thinking about things
God: Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
I've been paraying for a lot of things, and there are some oppurtunities that come and I'm too scared to take the risk. Like this condo thing.. I'm not sure if kaya ko.. pero I've been praying for it naman.. Pero should I buy a unit or just rent 1? ang gulo diba? :(
And discipline.. kaya cguro ako tumataba kasi nag ppray ako for discipline and ito yung oppurtunity na binigay ni God.. ehheheheeh..
I'm currently in the phase of not knowing what I want (again). I want time for myself but I don't know how. It's like I have tons of things to do that I cannot finish and they continue to pile up! I have a lot of things I worry about, that I don't want to worry about because I feel it's not big of a deal. Feeling ko it's so childish to think about those things. Pero feeling ko ren I'm just running away from them.
Sometimes I want to break up with my boyfriend, but it would probably make things worst. Sometimes I want to resign from work but where would I get the income to pay for all my bills and "luho". Sometimes I just want to rest at home, but I keep getting restless.
I don't know what to do or where to start.
I want to do something impulsive, something spontaneous.
My friend and I are planning to rent a place of our own. It's a big move and it's something that would add cost to my budget. And honestly? I'm scared. I'm hell scared being away from my comfort zone. But I feel it's something I need. Because it's something new.
I don't even know what's bothering me. I hate this feeling.
Dinner with my blockmates Dinner with Tin and Issa (and Marlo) Galera with Tin and her blockmates
Bunch of pictures to post pa..
But I want to tell you one thing.. I've said it before, but I'm not scared of saying it again. I love my mom so much and I miss her badly.
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Things were going smoothly between me and my baby. 'Di na kami nag aaway as much as we used to and medyo nakaka-adjust na sya sa lifestyle ko.. or trying.. pero ramdam ko ang matinding effort niya para lang di kami mag kainisan.
Anyway, ayon, things were ok nga.. tapos a bad news came. Bad news talaga. Something that could affect our future. Na depress sya and nalungkot ako... at nahirapan.. Di ko alam if iisipin ko yung sarili ko or kme. I did not see the total effort on his side to work it out. Kaya yun...
I was starting to think about things.. If enough na yung love namen.. If magiging malaking issue ba yung status namin.. If ever we end up together, will we survuve.. mga ganung effect..
Heard different opinions from friends. Some said stay, bata pa raw ako, live the moment lang, while others said that I should think about the future, if I think na kaya niya panindigan yung responsibilities niya, then I should stay but if wala akong nakikitang effort, I should go na raw.
I was at the point na di ako sure. Kasi kahit sabihin niya na gusto niya, wala naman ako masyado nakikitang determination on his side. Mehn, ngayon na lang ako ulit umiyak ng ganun.
I guess he knows how I feel. Because I told him what was running through my mind. Sabi naman niya alam niya yung mga mali niya.
I left my mom an offline message about it. I don't what to expect from her. I thought she would tell me to leave, that she sees no future for us.
But I was wrong...
mama (6/19/2007 9:08:06 AM): tell him there is always a next time and that he can only learn from the mistakes.... you can help him not to make the same mistake but he will have to want it first...
She did not say anything about giving up...
It made me feel better that despite what other people think, my mom believes in me and my decisions.
I love her and I'm glad that she's my mom.
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Don't get me wrong, di talaga sablay boyfriend ko. Nakakabawi naman sya sa maraming bagay... I know he's faithful and he loves me very much (and I love him too). May mga things lang talaga na di maiwasan isipin. I just hope he really straighten up his life na. Para ren naman sa kanya yun.
Are we girls really that complicated? Or that hard to understand?
Or maybe I'm the one who can't understand him. But how can you understand someone who doesn't say what he really feels?
Is this what I asked for?
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Sabi ko na nga ba eh.. That this blog is misundestood.
"Malabo na ba tayo?"
I remember how JC started his first line when we broke up.. It was because of something he read in this blog. I'm not sure if it was because he really wanted to break up with me before pa, or na trigger lang nung line na yun..
I don't want that to happen again. Why can't they just realize na kung ano man mabasa nila dito it's something na nararamdaman ko that time (unless stated otherwise) only but doesn't really explain the whole feeling that comes with it? Ewan ko ba..
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3-0 na.. kaya pa kaya humabol ng cavs? As much as I heart Tim Duncan, I'm tired of seeing them win the championship. Sana bago naman.. hehehehhe
Yeah, I know.. I'm not as boyish as before (I've grown into a lady.. nyahhahahah!! kiddin). But there's still a bit of boyish-ness in me. I'm still one of the boys anyway =).
I just wanted a plain template, something I can easily modify. So I guess, this template is better for me. And I'm kinda tired of my old template anyway.
It's still on the works though. I don't know what to add... yet. I'm sure I'll think of something =)
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Tin is back! Well for 20 days that is. I hope I could spend more time with her. We plan to go out of town next week... sana may cash na dumating.. ehheheheh..
pictures ng mga licious.. ehehhe
pacute mode wacky raw mas wacky pa.. well si tin lang ata.. hahahha
ganda nmen no? hehehehhe
We went out last night to meet our hundred islands friend.. as usual hot seat si tin and james =p.. at in fairness kinilig ako.. hahaha! (Peace tin =D ).. anyway, hope the plans we made pushes through.. para masaya =D
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Here are her questions:
1. Where is your ultimate dream vacation?
ooooh... hmm, currently dreaming of going to Palau Islands.. hehehe.. or anywhere tropical that would beat the Philippines best beaches ^_^ Hopefully I have 100% confidence or at least the bod to wear a bikini by then. Hahaha!
2. What is your ultima meta in your photography?
To have my own exhibit =D as in yung may sponsors and everything.. pero sobrang layo pa ata nun.. ehehhehe
3. Currently, as in now na, what song do you want to sing to your significant other?
[Neyo:] You wont let me You upset me girl And then you kiss my lips All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset) Can't remember what you did
[Rihanna:] But I hate... You know exactly what to do So that I cant stay mad at you For too long thats wrong
[Ne-Yo:] But I hate... You know exactly how to touch So that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more Said I despise that i adore you
[Rihanna:] And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...) I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...) And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..) But I just cant let you go And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)
sakto!!!
4. What qualities of a guy will make you have a crush on him?
hahahahha! marami eh.. para maraming choice.. magaling kumanta, sumayaw, mag-basketball, mag-gitara.. aaaand.. tall, dark and funny... yung mata napaka pungay.. yung parang papatay pag tumingin.. loooong eyelashes, dimples.. hihi..
5. Name top 3 places to do it and why. Ikaw na ang bahala mag-interpret sa "it" :P
Kelangan talaga nde specific ang "it"? Pero from PLG thread, itutuloy ko na lang.. ehehehhe.. minsan lang naman ako mag post ng naughty stuff dito eh.. But it doesn't necessarily mean I've tried it.. fantasies ito! hahahah
Sabi nga ng isang dyosa "May bahay naman"
[edited: top 3 lang pala.. excited ako eh.. nyahahhaha]
1. Bedroom: Syempre, normal naman diba? Kelangan pa ba ng explanation? Ehehehe..
2. Couch: Usually it starts with cuddling naman.. and sarap mag cuddle sa couch.. and para d masira momentum, dun na lang! Hahaha
3. Kitchen and Dining Table: I've seen it on the movies.. and they seem to enjoy it.. hehehe..
4. Stairs: Challenges your flexibility.. haha!
5. Bathroom: Ligo agad after.. hahahahha! I remember what my friend said.. "Ayoko mag s*x with a foreigner.. di sila naliligo after.. " somebody asked pano niya nalaman.. "Napanood ko sa movies"
Reading the answer for #5.. I realized it's a proof of how the media influences us. Konek?? hehehehhe
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I had my hair straightened (Sabi ko sa niyo, di na ko boyish.. I survived 6 hours in a salon.. hahahha) and the only person who said that my old unruly hair looks better is my boyfriend. How cool is that?
And his moodiness is starting to annoy me. Or maybe my patience is just a bit short today. Haaaay...
Minsan I wishes he grows up! Na sometimes he knows how I feel.. pag tumatahimik sya bigla.. Alam niyo yun.. 1 minute ok sya, tas the next minute, biglang tatahimik. Nakakainis! Or yung asa gimik ako, and he makes me feel na hindi sya ok about it.. pano ko maeenjoy diba?? Haaay..
I hate it when you hurt yourself by punching or banging your head on the wall. I hate it when you throw a big fuss over small things. You call some of our friends immature, stubborn, sensitive, "sablay" and "mababaw" like it's a joke when you yourself are doing the same things. I'm not used to anybody telling me what and what not to do. I hate it when you tell me you're going to die because you know how much I don't want to lose you. I hate it when you threat me that you'd do stupid things if things don't go your way, even if it's in a subtle way. I hate it when you don't listen to me, or when I have to repeat things over and over again. I sometimes hate it when you don't talk to me, that I look stupid and I try everything so you'd smile or at least talk to me. I hate it when you act like your life depends on me, when it doesn't. That's what you call responsibility, something I hope you learn. I hate it how you take no interest in what I do and not even show support.
I hate it when you don't even realize that I sacrifice my time for others (and especially time for myself) so I can spend time with you. I hate it when you make me feel guilty for choosing my friends over you. There's such a thing called balance you know. And my world does not revolve around you, it revolves around me, and that things that are important to me. My family, friends, work, God and you.
I hate it that with just one kiss that makes my knees weak.. or just one smile that makes me blush or just one hug that makes me melt.. everything's ok.. like nothing happened.. and I start to love everything about you again.
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And then ok na.. tas hindi na naman.. anong dahilan? Hindi ko alam.. hindi naman niya sinasabi as usual.. biglaan ang mood swings daig pa babae.. haaay... =(
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LISTEN to this.. I swear!!!! panalo sya! ahahhaha...
After 3 days of misunderstandings, away-bati, arguments and almost on the verge of breaking up.. I'm really glad we're ok again. First time namin nag away ng ganun katagal.. and it was over the usual petty stuffs.. not telling him that I'd be coming home late, hirits na di niya gusto and the way I wear my clothes. I know it's mababaw, pero nag sunod-sunod kasi.. and maybe ayaw nmen magpatalo pareho kasi feeling namin tama kami kaya nagkapatong patong and there were things that was said that I hope he didn't mean.
Pero like I said, ok na kami.. nakabawi na kami sa isa't isa ng mga lambing at kisses na namiss nmen nung days na magkaaway kami.. *kilig* Sabi ko naman diba? Hanggang kaya, I'll try to make things work..
Baby, bawas bawasan ang pag drama ha? and wag masyado sensitive.. and sana maniwala at magtiwala ka sa ken pag sinabi kong ikaw lang talaga.. 'di pa ba obvious??? =p love you lots! tara! inggitin pa naten sila! hahahhaha.. and deal naten ha... "suntok sa pader = - QT" hehhehe
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I'm on webcam right now with my cute li'l cousins faye and maye (cute names.. their elder sister is named kaye... hahahha).. Ang kukulit pa ren..
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Mark B texted a while ago... mehn I miss that guy.. He's one of those guy friends na sasabay pa sa ken hanggang SM north (from UST) para lang may kasabay ako pauwi kahit na may shorter and cheaper way for them. May girlfriend na raw sya, name is Abi ren.. ahhahaha.. I haven't seen him in years! and excited ako makita sya ulit.. CS2k5 outing na!!!! Please!!! I need you guys!!! hehehehe
Minsan, mahirap ren pag ang minamahal mo ay 4 na taon na mas bata sayo. Iba ang level ng thinking niyo, ang mundo niyo medyo iba ren. Buti na lang at may iisang barkada kami that somehow keeps us on the same boat.
Haaaay.. sana lumipas kung ano man ang naging problema nmen ngayon.. ayoko ng nagkakaganito kami eh.
Like spend time with him, work, play basketball.. etc.
We see each other almost every day and I know some people think it's not healthy. But then we are "just friends" most of the time we're together. It's only when I go to their place or we are alone that we can be "us". And I think that set-up is ok, because it sometimes healthy for us... unless sometimes I want to make lambing but can't because.. just because. I'm happy when I'm with him although sometimes he's mainarte.. hehehe.. And mind you, he's not intimidated by me and I guess that's one reason why I feel this way for him.
Work is kinda hectic. The enhancement I developed last year is now ready to be uploaded to production... just when I kinda forgot the things I did for that enhancement. I still have 2 pending documents and 1 ticket besides the enhancement. Whew! Stressed medyo..
Like I said, I'm playing basketball in our company sportsfest and mehn! I got injured on the same foot just a week apart. Just when I thought the first sprain has recovered, I tripped again and sprain, or as what Tar said, re-injured my left ankle. I guess it aggravated the first one and now it somehow lokks like it's decaying. It swollen up to the point that I don't want to walk it anymore. But then, pasaway nga ako... ehehhehe.. It's better now. I mean I can walk like a normal being and not like a penguin. I hope it gets better by tuesday. Oh, and because of the injury, I missed our first game in volleyball.. =( Pasok pala kami sa semis sa basketball.. yun ang dulot ng mga injuries ko.. ahahhaha.. sana makalaro ako sa tuesday.. =p
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My blockmates and I went to galera last weekend. There were more of us than I expected and I'm glas they came. I had fun and I had the tan that I like (preparing myself for Bohol). Grabe yung alon nung papunta kami.. scary.. heheheheh.. I want to return to Galera with my blockmates (especially those who did not come the last time), or my barkada here in our place. Wag lang peak season.
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Ang rami ko gusto kuwento.. sobra.. kaya lang parang old news na pag nipost ko dito.. and pictures too!! Hahahaha. Howell.. See you again! Hopefully I'll be able to post more often again. =)
It's 1:49 saturday morning and it's about time I blog about anything that comes into mind.
I just finished Veronica Mars season 1 and I liked it. I have always wished to be just like her.. private eye and all.. ehehhe.. well, I guess I should have a sheriff for a dad.
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I'm having a HS love affair. For those who know me, you know what I mean. Kakilig... =) sana tumagal ito..
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Basketball season in SZ, and yes, I'm playing it. I'm no longer under the guidance of Goddess Lowy, so it's kinda hard. Good thing there's no pleasure, I mean pressure on our team. Haha! And I scored a career high in our last game.. 9 points! =) But then we lost.
But I admit.. I miss my old team.. buti na lang may Pepe Lopez Nights..
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Can't wait for BOHOL!!!
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I was thinking of a lot of things to blog about. But when I sit in front of the PC everything seems to blur. Argh! I want the blog bug to bite me again! Huhuhu... Ang gaganda pa nmn ng mga intro ko dun sa mga iniisip ko..
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Docu na lang kelangan ko tapusin.. and balik na ko sa ticket life! Wooohooo!! Pero yun pa naman pinaka-hate ko. I'd rather develop programs than documenting them. Bummer!
What's with today?? Everything seems to be messed up. Well, not really everything.
Was talkin to G a while ago. Everything was ok, until something came up. I may have said something that he did not like. But he definitely got into my nerve. Well, it usually happens in our conversations, he keeps quiet, we both keep quiet, someone (usually me) asks if something's wrong or if the other one has something to say and so on and so forth.. someone denies that something is bothering him..
"Sya pa ang may ganang magalit"
Bakit?? di ba nakakainis yung ganun? Wag ko raw sya pansinin.. eh duh! sya lang kausap ko, pano ko di mapapansin.. anong gusto niya, umasta ako na ok lang na ganun sya?? Eh ayoko nga ng nagkakaganun sya, sabay di ko papansinin??
"Problema sayo lahat pinapansin mo"
Sus! Lagi na lang may problema sa ken.. laging seryoso, lahat pinapansin, di marunong tumanggi.. ano ba?? ano ba gusto niyang gawin ko?
I miss the old him.. yung taong nagustuhan ko kausapin.. yung taong pinapasaya ako.. yung taong pinararamdam sa ken na mahalaga ako.. bihira ko na makita yun.. bihira ko na makausap yun..
kung ganun talaga sya, puwes, ganito ren talaga ako!.. Tangina, pinagpipilitan ko nga siguro ang sarili ko sa kanya.. hindi nman dapat.
Pero malamang bukas ok n nman lahat.. lagi nmang ganun eh.. just wanted to vent out.. di ko na makayanan eh.. di ko ren nman matitiis yun eh.
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After more than a month... 3 sticks agad.. di na sanay ang clean lungs ko.. naubo ako.. nyahahahha!!!
can't wait for december 1.. galera!! (sana matuloy.. please please please) and cigs... and beach!! I want my color back!! huhuhuhu...
on the other note, I feel much better now. Emotionally and physically.
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I was able to talk to him.. but still not about how I feel, or rather what I felt when I tried to walk away. Everytime we have this sorta tampuhan or misunderstanding, the next day he acts as if nothing happened! Are guys really that way???? HE DOESN'T FRIGGIN CARE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL!! ok ok.. that was harsh, and was kind of bitter. Hehehe.. but then I'd rather think that way than think he did care but does not want to ask questions coz he can't handle it.. Haha!
He's still special though. And I do hope he knows that.
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Blech @ guys who wants trophy girlfriends. Blech @ gurls who are after good looking cars with tinted windows.. And oh yes, I forgot.. a boyfriend driver.
Haaay.. all these superficial things...
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SCREW ERIC SANTOS FOR SINGING "YOUR LOVE"!!!!!! first "I'll never go", now "your love"... sing your own songs dammit!!
*this message also goes to MYMP.. kudos to Nina for at least singing some original songs.. but still, I don't like her.
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Hilera is starting to grow on me.. Seriously... and Chillitees!!!
And btw, I have a wide range of mp3's, if I hear something and I like it, I don't care what genre it is, I will find a way to get a copy of that song.. I can hate a song but love the artist, or I can hate the artist but lurv the song, or I can hate both artist and the song, but listen to it anyway and maybe learn to appreciate it in a while.
My current playlist-of-the-moment includes songs from blue october, early november, matchbook romance, rufio, taking back sunday, dashboard confessional, finch, yellowcard, aqualung... and similar bands...
but I also have my hedkandi playlist, mushy songs (Patti Austin, Heart, Kenny Latimore.. etc), songs-I-listen-to-while-cleaning-my-room (N.E.R.D, Justin Timberlake, Pharell Williams, Usher, Craig David.. etc), OPM rulez (from APO, Smokey mountain to Kamikazee, Kjwan.. etc), and others. (Dream Theatre, Death Cab for Cutie, Carpenters, EBTG, Bossa Nova... etc...)
whew..
I need a backup hard disk before I can reformat this laptop.. sayang MP3's.. ahahahha!
and the second album of Hale is ok, but not at par with the first one.. one of my best buys.. ^_^
Turn down the lights, turn down the bed Turn down these voices inside my head Lay down with me, tell me no lies Just hold me close, dont patronize - dont patronize me
Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont You cant make your heart feel something it wont Here in the dark, in these lonely hours I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power But you wont, no you wont cause I cant make you love me, if you dont
Ill close my eyes, then I wont see The love you dont feel when youre holding me Morning will come and Ill do whats right Just give me till then to give up this fight And I will give up this fight
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When I heard this song after a very long time, I cried. Well not really cried (I was in the office that time) but tears were there, good thing I was wearing glasses. I guess, I thought everything was ok, I thought I can handle it... being just a special friend. I know I'm past that phase already but I thought I can handle liking someone who isn't. You can't force someone to feel something they don't so I just went with the flow. But even if I try to avoid thinking about it, the worst it becomes, the more I became confused.
I wanted to tell him so many things, but I don't know where to start. I don't even know if I'm in the right place to feel this way. I don't even know if he's interested to know why I'm feeling this way. Ang gulo talaga. Kahit ako di ko ma organize thoughts ko. I'm used to telling people how I feel. But not this time.
And I can only think of one way to fix this all...
I'm giving up this fight. Bahala na si batman.
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*stolen shots except julie's pic, hirap kasi kunan ng stolen, ang sensitive kasi sa camera.. ahahhahahah
Last night, I had dinner with these people at TGIFriday's. Had a wonderful wonderful time. Treat ni shelwin and andrei so mas masaya. Heheheh.. As usual, we talked about personal stuffs and joked about it. New expressions taken from Sherbs ("Fuck off!", "For crying out loud!"), updates from julie, plans sa future, marriage, sex, relationships, career, etc,. Mga jokes na nakakatuwa at nakakabaliw (kahit corny). Ehhehehe.. I love them so much and I don't know how my life would be if I haven't been friends with them. Nakakalimutan mo problema mo pag kasama mo sila, or pag hindi naman, napapatawa ka nila... It's hard to stay sad when you're with them. Ang masaya pa dun, ang rami nmen pagkakaiba sa isa't isa. Varied talaga personalities namen. Kaya siguro mas naging close. Ehehhehe.. Haaay.. can't wait for december 13!! ^_^
I love you frens,,, =p
*of course the post title is just a joke dearie... hihi..
Best viewed in internet explorer 7.0 1024 x 768.. it's my first time to create a header with my pictures. Teehee. I'll still be editing this template.
About me
loves the moon... loves to sing... 212223 24 years old..
scorpio.. loves to talk.. Graduating BUM!
... Junior Consultant.. THOMASIAN... loves her
friends.. selfish.. bitchy.. tactless.. loves to watch basketball and
plays volleyball, basketball, frisbee, and badminton. Drools over tracy mcgrady,
usher raymonds, pharell williams, brandon boyd, vic sotto and the likes.
self confessed masochist.. Loves the number
one.. emo.. loves drama.. listens to a lot of genre.. from
dream theater to patti austin.. easily falls in love.. heart
is easily broken.. doesn't believe in courtship.. tries
to believe in courtship. plays the guitar.. doesn't know how
to drive.. loves the color black..
not really emo but has her own share of emo-ness... ultimate
cam whore! missing the drama in my life..
kaladkarin.. simple pleasures in life: caffeine, nicotene, alcohol and very cold milo.
