So ok, Bora wasn't that much helpful. I splurged, I bathe, I drank, I read, I ate, but I hadn't had that much time to think. So I splurged some more (more on that later).
okaeee..
work - check friends - check health - errr... check love life - I love myself so check finances - loans everywhere, but I'm coping.. so check
so what teh F is wrong?
Plans, that's what I need. I need plans. Well, I have plans naman.. spur of the moment plans. Ehehehe. Pero srsly, I DO have long term plans.. but most of them are at the bottom of my priority list. I want to do what I can do right now. Because I know at the age of 40, I won't be able to do whatever I wanted to do today. Like go for a drink, grab my clothes and head for wherever, meet new friends, dance, sing, etc.
*sigh* So what a girl to do? Make the biggest purchase of her LIFE! (which is really not connected to the paragraph above)
Yes, I bought something in Bora that could change my life forever! (After almost not boarding the plane and losing my rubber ducky with my DSLR and my friends' digicam) And would make me forever in debt (well 3 years naman). It could turn out bad or good, but I guess it's a risk I was am willing to take. PERO SYEMPRE SANA GOOD! FTW GOOD! YUNG TIPONG SUPER SULIT GOOD!
Anyhoo, can't say much details, pero if di maganda service nila, BE SURE NA LAGOT SILA SA BLOG KO! nyahahahha! (nananakot lang :)).
So ayun, like I said, sana yan yung suwerteng kapalit ng mga kamalasan katangahan ko nung asa Bora ako.
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Edward Cullen is the first fictional character that I fell in love with (well, besides Batman). I don't know why, must be the way he speaks, the words he choses, the way I imagine him smile... It helps that he is a vampire. The more fictional he is the more I love his character. I mean, I know that I would never ever meet someone like him so reading Twilight doesn't give me false hopes of having guy like Edward.
Annnnd made me realize that it takes a 17 year old guy, 80 years to mature.. nyeheheheh..
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The ex has a new girlfie.. uhuh uhuh :D well I'm glad he told me (although I had a hunch) and I'm happy for him. Sana lang mag mature na sya sa relationship na 'to at maging stable. Sana ren matulungan sya na ayusin ang buhay niya in general. Anyway, him having a new relationship made me realize that a slight part of my depression the past few weeks is the guilt of leaving him in pain (as what he says). Now that I see him smiling and I can joke around him, it made me feel much better and relieved. Sana mag tuloy-tuloy para sa kanya :D
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FTW!!!! I HAS TICKETS TO THE E-HEADS REUNION CONERT!!!! YEBAH!!
%%masdan mo aking mata.. di mo ba nakikita.. ako ngayo'y lumilipad at nasa langit na.. gusto mo bang.. sumama%%
Tinitignan ko ang mga larawan ko noon. Ang laki ng nilaki ko. Literal! Nakakalungkot isipin na nung panahon n ayun ay pakiramdam ko ang panget ko.. ang taba ko.. samantalang ngayon tunay na uhm.. huggable ako ay feeling ko ang ganda ko.. Sayang lang at sana nuon pa man, na suot ko na ang mga gusto kong suotin at nagawa ko na ang mga gusto kong gawin.
Noon:
Ngayon, nahihirapan na ko umakyat ng hagdan, mag high heels, at d na kasya ang mga pantalong ko dati. Madalas na ko ma winnie the pooh. Iba na kasi siguro ang activities ko ngayon. Mas gusto ko pa matulog. Haaaay... In a span of a year or two, ang laki ng binigat ko :(..
O diba? Pero syempre may matitinong pictures pa naman ako ngayon.. baka isipin niyo ganyan itsura ko in real life.. d naman masyado.. ehehehhee.. mas maganda ako ng in person.. tarush! ahahahahha
At least ngayon, mas feeling ko na maganda ako.. Ahahahah! Haba ng huuur ko ngayon eh. Howell, sana the sportsfest helps in me getting back into shape.
Iba siguro talaga nagagawa ng confidence. Dahil kahit lumaki ako, mas marami nag sasabi na umaayos ren naman itsura ko (wala naman nagsasabi na panget ako noon eh, mas marami lang nagsasabi na maganda ako ngayon). Yun na ren siguro ang effect sa ken ng pagiging optimistic.. sabi nga nila, you are what you think. Therefore I'm adobo!! este.. I'm beautiful (sorry.. gutom lang d pa nag didinner).
. . . . . .
But then, may moments na feeling ko ang panget ko talaga.. na naiinsecure ako sa ibang tao.. and i know this post won't help me. Everytime na makikita ko to, malulungkot ako lalo na pag i'm depressed.. na maaalala ko na may time sa life ko na pwede ko gawin ang mga gusto ko, pero di ko ginawa. Na iisipin ko ano ba nangyari sa ken bakit ako biglang namaga. Na wag ako mag maganda dahil di ako maganda.
I know, baka mababaw lang to sa ibang tao.. pero kung babae ka, you'd understand how I feel. Kahit ang mga payat at magaganda, ay may mga ganitong moments ren.
So mag iiwan ako ng note sa sarili ko (at sa ibang tao) next time na mabasa ko to:
Note to self: Mabuting tao ka. Alam mo sa sarili mo na mabuti ang kalooban mo at yun ang tunay na kagandahan. Ang mahalaga ay kung pano ka nabuhay, paano ka sa ibang tao.. paano ka sa sarili mo. Kung pano ka babangon pagkatapos ng bawat pagsubok. Di ka man blessed sa genes, blessed ka naman sa ibang bagay at dapat magpasalamat ka para dun. And ano man itsura mo, may nagmamahal sayo. Ang laki ng inimprove mo as a person, so don't stop now. Stay optimistic. See the glass as half-full.
aaaaand dahil sobrang serious na, at if nde mag work yung note sa taas, eto.. last note:.. ika nga ng isang beri gud friend ko.. balance of nature lang... d pwedeng maganda at matalino in one.. kaya matalino ka!!!.. ehhehehehe
*ni resize ko yung pics.. d ko sure kung tama.. wala kasi akong photoshop eh.. huhuhuhu
tapos na i-configure, tinext ko si boyfriend kung san sya..
supposedly lalabas n ko..
hinarangan ako ni kuya dahil interested sya sa new toy ko..
syempre, mayabang ako, pinagmayabang ko naman..
so chikahan galore kami..
dumating text niya asking me what i am doing.. and sana nmana raw mag reply ako..
e d sabi ko nag chichikahan kami ng kuya ko..
palabas n ko ng pinto, natanggap ko text niya "uwi na lang ako"
e d binilisan ko.. wala pang half a kilometer yung layo niya, tinatawag ko sya.. as in sure ako na rinig niya.. at ayaw niyang lumingon, ayaw niya ko pansinin.
tinext ko ng "FINE!"
ngayon nag sosorry sya..
gago ba sya? eh ilang beses na niya ginawa yan ah! ilang beses ko na sinabing ayoko na ginagawa niya yun.. nakakabwiset! tas sasabihin niya na bumalik naman sya.. kung kelan nainis na ko??? leche! desisyon niya mag walk out bahala sya! ano ineexpect niya habulin ko sya ulit? eh naman! garrr!!!! di raw sya nagiisip.. lagi na lang! kelan kaya sya mag-iisip? TRY KO NGA MINSAN DI MAG-ISIP AT YUN ANG I-RASON KO! tanggapin niya kaya??? AND I RARELY SEE HIM HAPPY PAG MASAYA AKO!! ewan ko sa kanya.. he has a mental list of everything wrong or negative I say.. well I hope he takes note of this.. UNTI NA LANG MAPUPUNO NA TALAGA AKO!
so ano ginagawa ko ngayon para lumamig ulo ko? pag aralan si new toy.. haaay...
kainis. You know why? beacuse I know na bukas ok na naman kami. And I'm pretty sure this will happen again.
Argh! You know work is stressing you when you;re trying to sleep but all you can think about is the "how-to's", "loop holes", "error prevention", "error trapping", "testing", etc.. of your current project.
Work is kinda heavy right now because the deadline of the project I'm handling is nearing. I can't say I'm slacking off because I know I'm doing something. But I guess it's just not enough. You can't force your brain to think if it's already shut down right?
I need to go to the spa immediately! Or at least the salon. I haven't had my manicure and pedicure and footspa more than a month already! And my muscles are longing for a good, long massage.
Haay.. if only I had the time and I was rich enough to afford this "luho" on a regular basis.
When I see your smile Tears run down my face I can't replace And now that I'm stronger I've figured out How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
It's ok. It's ok. It's ok. Seasons are changing And waves are crashing And stars are falling all for us Days grow longer and nights grow shorter I can show you I'll be the one
I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart Please don't throw that away Cuz I'm here for you Please don't walk away, Please tell me you'll stay, stay
Use me as you will Pull my strings just for a thrill And I know I'll be ok Though my skies are turning gray
I will never let you fall I'll stand up with you forever I'll be there for you through it all Even if saving you sends me to heaven
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Sabay nung kinanta ko sa kanya sa phone kasabay yung mp3.. sabi niya "pakihinaan bi, sakit sa tenga eh".. saya no? =(
I'm currently in the phase of not knowing what I want (again). I want time for myself but I don't know how. It's like I have tons of things to do that I cannot finish and they continue to pile up! I have a lot of things I worry about, that I don't want to worry about because I feel it's not big of a deal. Feeling ko it's so childish to think about those things. Pero feeling ko ren I'm just running away from them.
Sometimes I want to break up with my boyfriend, but it would probably make things worst. Sometimes I want to resign from work but where would I get the income to pay for all my bills and "luho". Sometimes I just want to rest at home, but I keep getting restless.
I don't know what to do or where to start.
I want to do something impulsive, something spontaneous.
My friend and I are planning to rent a place of our own. It's a big move and it's something that would add cost to my budget. And honestly? I'm scared. I'm hell scared being away from my comfort zone. But I feel it's something I need. Because it's something new.
I don't even know what's bothering me. I hate this feeling.
Are we girls really that complicated? Or that hard to understand?
Or maybe I'm the one who can't understand him. But how can you understand someone who doesn't say what he really feels?
Is this what I asked for?
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Sabi ko na nga ba eh.. That this blog is misundestood.
"Malabo na ba tayo?"
I remember how JC started his first line when we broke up.. It was because of something he read in this blog. I'm not sure if it was because he really wanted to break up with me before pa, or na trigger lang nung line na yun..
I don't want that to happen again. Why can't they just realize na kung ano man mabasa nila dito it's something na nararamdaman ko that time (unless stated otherwise) only but doesn't really explain the whole feeling that comes with it? Ewan ko ba..
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3-0 na.. kaya pa kaya humabol ng cavs? As much as I heart Tim Duncan, I'm tired of seeing them win the championship. Sana bago naman.. hehehehhe
Yeah, I know.. I'm not as boyish as before (I've grown into a lady.. nyahhahahah!! kiddin). But there's still a bit of boyish-ness in me. I'm still one of the boys anyway =).
I just wanted a plain template, something I can easily modify. So I guess, this template is better for me. And I'm kinda tired of my old template anyway.
It's still on the works though. I don't know what to add... yet. I'm sure I'll think of something =)
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Tin is back! Well for 20 days that is. I hope I could spend more time with her. We plan to go out of town next week... sana may cash na dumating.. ehheheheh..
pictures ng mga licious.. ehehhe
pacute mode wacky raw mas wacky pa.. well si tin lang ata.. hahahha
ganda nmen no? hehehehhe
We went out last night to meet our hundred islands friend.. as usual hot seat si tin and james =p.. at in fairness kinilig ako.. hahaha! (Peace tin =D ).. anyway, hope the plans we made pushes through.. para masaya =D
I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Here are her questions:
1. Where is your ultimate dream vacation?
ooooh... hmm, currently dreaming of going to Palau Islands.. hehehe.. or anywhere tropical that would beat the Philippines best beaches ^_^ Hopefully I have 100% confidence or at least the bod to wear a bikini by then. Hahaha!
2. What is your ultima meta in your photography?
To have my own exhibit =D as in yung may sponsors and everything.. pero sobrang layo pa ata nun.. ehehhehe
3. Currently, as in now na, what song do you want to sing to your significant other?
[Neyo:] You wont let me You upset me girl And then you kiss my lips All of a sudden I forgive (that I was upset) Can't remember what you did
[Rihanna:] But I hate... You know exactly what to do So that I cant stay mad at you For too long thats wrong
[Ne-Yo:] But I hate... You know exactly how to touch So that I dont want to fuss.. and fight no more Said I despise that i adore you
[Rihanna:] And i hate how much i love you boy (yeah...) I cant stand how much I need you (I need you...) And I hate how much I love you boy (oooh whoa..) But I just cant let you go And I hate that I love you so (oooh..)
sakto!!!
4. What qualities of a guy will make you have a crush on him?
hahahahha! marami eh.. para maraming choice.. magaling kumanta, sumayaw, mag-basketball, mag-gitara.. aaaand.. tall, dark and funny... yung mata napaka pungay.. yung parang papatay pag tumingin.. loooong eyelashes, dimples.. hihi..
5. Name top 3 places to do it and why. Ikaw na ang bahala mag-interpret sa "it" :P
Kelangan talaga nde specific ang "it"? Pero from PLG thread, itutuloy ko na lang.. ehehehhe.. minsan lang naman ako mag post ng naughty stuff dito eh.. But it doesn't necessarily mean I've tried it.. fantasies ito! hahahah
Sabi nga ng isang dyosa "May bahay naman"
[edited: top 3 lang pala.. excited ako eh.. nyahahhaha]
1. Bedroom: Syempre, normal naman diba? Kelangan pa ba ng explanation? Ehehehe..
2. Couch: Usually it starts with cuddling naman.. and sarap mag cuddle sa couch.. and para d masira momentum, dun na lang! Hahaha
3. Kitchen and Dining Table: I've seen it on the movies.. and they seem to enjoy it.. hehehe..
4. Stairs: Challenges your flexibility.. haha!
5. Bathroom: Ligo agad after.. hahahahha! I remember what my friend said.. "Ayoko mag s*x with a foreigner.. di sila naliligo after.. " somebody asked pano niya nalaman.. "Napanood ko sa movies"
Reading the answer for #5.. I realized it's a proof of how the media influences us. Konek?? hehehehhe
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I had my hair straightened (Sabi ko sa niyo, di na ko boyish.. I survived 6 hours in a salon.. hahahha) and the only person who said that my old unruly hair looks better is my boyfriend. How cool is that?
And his moodiness is starting to annoy me. Or maybe my patience is just a bit short today. Haaaay...
Minsan I wishes he grows up! Na sometimes he knows how I feel.. pag tumatahimik sya bigla.. Alam niyo yun.. 1 minute ok sya, tas the next minute, biglang tatahimik. Nakakainis! Or yung asa gimik ako, and he makes me feel na hindi sya ok about it.. pano ko maeenjoy diba?? Haaay..
I now can use my deviantart account. Hopefully I could learn some techniques from other members.. and sana nde ako magsawa sa hobby na ito.. ehehhehe...I'm talking about my photography. Check out my first "artistic" attempt.
I'm not much of a reader, but I bought myself Paolo Coehlo's "The Witch of Portobello". I hope it's as good as other Coehlo's book I read. I'm not much of a book-junkie, so this is something different for me.
I guess I'm bored with my routine so I'm trying to insert new things... heheh.. I hope it helps.
I feel like I have no time for myself anymore. I do hope I find some time.
Tin's coming back to visit PI for 20 days!! I'm soooooo excited ^_^
I was chatting with my cousin when she told me that my mom chatted with her and asked her if I was ok and my mom thinks I'm depressed.
Shelwin asked me something about tomorrow's game. I replied. He asked me if I was ok.. he said ang cold raw ng reply ko and hindi ako nag kukuwento..
Seriously? Do I seem depressed?
I slept 5 am last saturday and 4 am sunday, and it's already 1:30 am monday and I have work later..
I've been staying at the tambayan for 3 nights already, playing cards, acting like a kid.. I find it hard to sleep early.. well it's usually that way..
BTW, dared BJ not to smoke a single cig till december 16.. too bad he broke his promise. But then it's ok.. as to what RJ said, at least he is lessening his cigs.. ahahahhaha.. feeling ko tuloy ang sama ko kasi you can see it was really hard for him.. =p
what else... wala na..
my post is totally senseless...
But I'm not depressed, I'm just not totally happy.. hehehehehe
can't wait for december 1.. galera!! (sana matuloy.. please please please) and cigs... and beach!! I want my color back!! huhuhuhu...
on the other note, I feel much better now. Emotionally and physically.
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I was able to talk to him.. but still not about how I feel, or rather what I felt when I tried to walk away. Everytime we have this sorta tampuhan or misunderstanding, the next day he acts as if nothing happened! Are guys really that way???? HE DOESN'T FRIGGIN CARE ABOUT WHAT I FEEL!! ok ok.. that was harsh, and was kind of bitter. Hehehe.. but then I'd rather think that way than think he did care but does not want to ask questions coz he can't handle it.. Haha!
He's still special though. And I do hope he knows that.
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Blech @ guys who wants trophy girlfriends. Blech @ gurls who are after good looking cars with tinted windows.. And oh yes, I forgot.. a boyfriend driver.
Haaay.. all these superficial things...
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SCREW ERIC SANTOS FOR SINGING "YOUR LOVE"!!!!!! first "I'll never go", now "your love"... sing your own songs dammit!!
*this message also goes to MYMP.. kudos to Nina for at least singing some original songs.. but still, I don't like her.
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Hilera is starting to grow on me.. Seriously... and Chillitees!!!
And btw, I have a wide range of mp3's, if I hear something and I like it, I don't care what genre it is, I will find a way to get a copy of that song.. I can hate a song but love the artist, or I can hate the artist but lurv the song, or I can hate both artist and the song, but listen to it anyway and maybe learn to appreciate it in a while.
My current playlist-of-the-moment includes songs from blue october, early november, matchbook romance, rufio, taking back sunday, dashboard confessional, finch, yellowcard, aqualung... and similar bands...
but I also have my hedkandi playlist, mushy songs (Patti Austin, Heart, Kenny Latimore.. etc), songs-I-listen-to-while-cleaning-my-room (N.E.R.D, Justin Timberlake, Pharell Williams, Usher, Craig David.. etc), OPM rulez (from APO, Smokey mountain to Kamikazee, Kjwan.. etc), and others. (Dream Theatre, Death Cab for Cutie, Carpenters, EBTG, Bossa Nova... etc...)
whew..
I need a backup hard disk before I can reformat this laptop.. sayang MP3's.. ahahahha!
and the second album of Hale is ok, but not at par with the first one.. one of my best buys.. ^_^
Best viewed in internet explorer 7.0 1024 x 768.. it's my first time to create a header with my pictures. Teehee. I'll still be editing this template.
About me
loves the moon... loves to sing... 212223 24 years old..
scorpio.. loves to talk.. Graduating BUM!
... Junior Consultant.. THOMASIAN... loves her
friends.. selfish.. bitchy.. tactless.. loves to watch basketball and
plays volleyball, basketball, frisbee, and badminton. Drools over tracy mcgrady,
usher raymonds, pharell williams, brandon boyd, vic sotto and the likes.
self confessed masochist.. Loves the number
one.. emo.. loves drama.. listens to a lot of genre.. from
dream theater to patti austin.. easily falls in love.. heart
is easily broken.. doesn't believe in courtship.. tries
to believe in courtship. plays the guitar.. doesn't know how
to drive.. loves the color black..
not really emo but has her own share of emo-ness... ultimate
cam whore! missing the drama in my life..
kaladkarin.. simple pleasures in life: caffeine, nicotene, alcohol and very cold milo.
